moretulipsfromholland

Happy New Year

2011-12-31T14:52:00.000-05:00

Well, the family has been all here for 2 weeks now, and we are settling into somewhat of a routine, which is comforting for everyone! Lots of medical appointments have been accomplished (including one trip to the ER when Deyan had a seizure on Christmas day...he is ok, and we are going to continue to watch for any additional seizure activity. If he has any more, we will visit a neurologist), and many more have been made for January into February (and March for Opthamology)
The weather has been mild off an on, allowing for some time to be outside for a while at least. Martin LOVES to be outside. Doesn't matter if it is cold or not, he likes outside. I know when Jacob first came home, he LOVED to be outside, even in the rain. I think it is just feeling these things after having never been experiencing anything like this. I don't do well in the cold, but the boys sure do love it!
We brought the porch swing frame into the basement and hung a toddler swing from it for indoor swinging time. We did this for 2 years with Jacob. It took him a month or more to finally feel comfortable sitting in the swing when it was hanging from the frame. He would sit in it on the floor, and even while I was holding it up (coul;dn't do that too long) but not on the frame. We figure he had been placed in it and left for a long period of time and didn't trust he could get down. So we put him in and took him out again, over and over, and eventually, he got to liking it.
Well, this time, Deyan LOVES the swing, and will swing as long as someone will push him. Martin will not even LOOK at the swing! He is such a scared, timid little boy. Right now, we are working on just having him look at the swing, and maybe push it empty.
I have an IKEA swing to hang in the basement from the ceiling, and the special bolts to hang it, but have not gotten anyone to do it yet. It is not in Jim's area of expertise, so we must contract this out. Jacob will love it when we get it hung. ANd I know once Martin is over his fear, he will also love to swing.
We are getting a bedtime routine that seems to be working. Deyan falls asleep easily, in his crib, with no crying. Martin fights it tooth and nail. I cannot just leave him in the crib, as he will hit and scratch himself, so I am sitting with him (after both get some nighttimes rocking/snuggle time) until he falls asleep. He is not happy with the program at all, but will get used to it. Both sleep through the night, awakening anywhere from 5 to 7 am.
As the days inch by, Martin is showing his temper more and more. I'm glad he has one, as it is probably the only thing that has kept him going. He otherwise is so afraid of things. We have made their "world" pretty small by keeping in the family room mostly, and Martin wants to be out and about much more. We take them on short trips (went to get shoes for Martin, Deyan and Jacob the other day. Went to Stride Rite. I must say...the sales rep was SOOOO helpful. We got in and out, with 3 pairs of shoes, in less than 15 minutes, and a promise that during their spring buy one get one 1/2 off sale, if we call ahead, someone will come in before the store opens or stay after closing time, to accommodate us with no crowds. How nice is that??) and practice walking up and down the steps for Martin, swing for Deyan, occasional outside for all, but other than that, we are in the family room, playing or chilling.
Oops gotta cut this short. Martin is up from his nap. More hopefully soon, and I will ask Jim to help me with photos.
in the meantime, visit his blog for pictures and videos
www.apapasstory.blogspot.com

Mary

At Home Update...Merry Christmas

2011-12-23T21:51:00.000-05:00

I've been totally neglectful of blogging, but with good reason....we are B.U.S.Y with the kiddos in our home now.
Homecoming was awesome! They were on the last flight in, and were the last ones through security, so we had a very quiet reunion. It was heavenly. I missed my family so much, and to hold my little boys once more, well, it was just perfect.

Each day shows us more and more what these guys are all about. Deyan has cornered the market on cute/cuddly and we are all smitten. He still scoots to propel himself, but can now climb up on the couch, chair and ottoman but cannot yet (safely) get down independently! He prefers to sit atop the furniture...probably feels safer there with all of the hubbub going on. He is a very small guy, weighing in at just under 23 lbs, wearing 12-18 month clothing, but being almost 6 years old! His belly is quite impressive....very large. We have already had our first check up at the international adoption clinic, cardiology, and GI for Deyan. GI noted that he has very lax muscles in his belly and they think much of the enlargement is from air...he swallows A LOT of air. They were concerned with his size, and want us to feed him 5 meals (full meals, no "snacks") PLUS 4 cans of pediasure a day! He does eat, and we have rarely seen him indicate that he is full, but his belly gets SO big, I just cannot imagine getting this much food into him in one setting. We shall see.
He is a great sleeper at night, and all around, a joy! He makes me smile.

Christoper Martin (STILL are arguing over his name. I like the name Martin, and Jim has taken to calling him "Marty Moose", but then Joey and Matt both correct us saying "Christoper". More like "Chrit-o-per". ) He is such a scared, timid little boy. New things are not cool according to him, and boy, his life has just sprouted a TON of new things. We are trying to keep it simple. I have noticed that although he is self abusive at times (when stressed or bored) he is easily redirected, AND those times are decreasing daily. Many times today he was poised to smack himself in the head, but found something else to do! One great thing about his timidity is the fact that he looks to us to reassure him. He wants to be carried when out and about (we are not going out much, but a quick trip to the grocery store, and today, we went to IKEA to get him a crib) and really looks to us to provide that stability. He loves to "do laundry"...folding whatever clothing items he can find...mostly washcloths.

Overall, the transition with these two is going very well, and we could not be happier with them.

I must publicly thank Marie for going with Jim and James to pick these treasures up, and continues to lend invaluable support at home. And Emily, who is finding lots of time between school and work to help out. And James, and Joey, who have been playing with, getting supplies for, and overall just being here with us during this transition time. Julie for coming over to visit and bringing Allie to see her new uncles, and helping out where she can. I can't wait for Catie to be able to make it over to meet her new brothers! We tried a couple of times but could not coordinate schedules...well, the boys' schedule keeps changing nap times!

Merry Christmas to all!

Mama!

Last post from Bulgaria!!

2011-12-16T14:59:00.002-05:00

Even though the kids went to bed early they slept in until just about 7! Typical breakfast routine; Martin sat in the bath tub this morning, too! YAY! He needed to be prompted in Bulgarian to sit down then needed physical help but did not resist at all. I poured water in front of him, not too high and kept it in the same spot each time. One time he got brave and put his hand under the water but other than that his hands stayed glued to the sides of the tub. Deyan was, of course, jealous/upset/snotty about Martin being in the tub and me playing with him. He was told he has to share the tub and his “rie rie” and he actually pouted a bit! Little stinker.

After some packing done by papa we packed up the kids and walked to a traditional Bulgarian restaurant. Martin was overwhelmed and scared so dad took him back to the hotel while James and I stayed with Deyan. Luckily we had 2 Humana yogurt things in the diaper bag because it took close to 40 mins to get our food and the woman misunderstood that we wanted a baked potato with cheese and we got fried potatoes. James and I enjoyed them but once our food came, the most delish fire roasted pork on a spit I’ve ever had!!!!, I was able to communicate that we wanted a baked potato with cheese, but instead of cheese we got butter. That worked well for Deyan, though. He ate the equivalent of 1 medium sized potato plus 2 rich in nutrient yogurts. He was a bit squirmy throughout but nothing that couldn’t be handled with some one on one time. Our meal took longer than we planned and dad came in right as the woman was boxing up the left overs. He had gotten a cab tour set up through the hotel.

This was the best tour I’ve ever done in a foreign country. Our driver, Dmitri, is Russian by blood, grew up in Bulgaria and spoke FANTASTIC English! He’s married and wants to have children and was sooooooooo good with both boys. He would turn around and tickle them and talk to them, he drove us around for close to 3 hours showing us all the sights and telling us about the history behind all of it. He also took us to a church that was built in the 10^th century. While on our drive up to the church we stopped at Starbucks, which was nice but very different from the ones in the States. Luckily the barista spoke English and was able to tell me what they did and didn’t do. It took close to 10 mins just for a drip coffee and an iced green tea. Deyan fell asleep on my lap while playing with my hands. He put my hands over his in a praying position and then fell asleep on my lap. I LOVED it. Plus Martin had his hand on mine and it was so sweet. I asked James to take a picture so we’ll see how it turned out!

After we got back to the hotel we did some more packing and played with the boys. Deyan loves to stand on the bed and have your thumbs to stand up, comes in for a hug then puts both of his hands up and falls backwards. I always have my hands on his back or sides as he’s going down, just in case, but he laughs and LOVES it. So MAMA BE WARNED..HE WILL TRY THAT AT HOME!!! When I ask for a kiss in Bulgarian he will sometimes give me his face, sometimes pucker up and sometimes pull away. Sometimes he just sits there and I take a kiss from him. J He’s spontaneously come up and put his mouth and lips on me 2 times tonight and I tell him in Bulgarian “thank you for the kiss!”

I am so glad that I know what Bulgarian I do know. I will keep studying the phrases because I know they will come in handy at home. They respond well when some things are in Bulgarian.

I went down to get the passports and visas with Martin while James had Deyan in the tub and papa was at the Billa. (grocery store) Martin, the man with the passports and such, went right over to baby Martin and picked him up, talked to him and joked with me that the passports were his. I joked back and said they were mine and that baby Martin was mine; he laughed and we shared a moment with baby Martin. Then the hotel did something so sweet. The receptionist came from behind the counter and gave me a bag of goodies for the boys. She told me that the Mickey Mouse stuffed animal was specially for Martin and that Winnie the Pooh was for Deyan. There was also a bag for each boy of chocolates. Then when I got back up to the room, another person brought up a plate of dessert pastries for us, as a congrats J I don’t know if this is typical but it was very sweet and much much appreciated!

After another quiet evening and bath the boys were ready for bed; I went down to the restaurant and here I sit, typing and eating my last dinner..Shopska sala and spick Hungarian goulash and beer. We are up at 4:30am tomorrow for a LONG travel day. I am very excited to be home and see my husband and dog as well as Jake, Joey, Matt, Emily, Julie and baby Allie.

Prost to a safe, easy, calm and stress free near 18 hours of travel!

Deuces everyone J

Full day of running around..with AMAZINGLY behaved children!

2011-12-15T14:25:00.000-05:00

Woke up with everyone at around 7:50am, which was fantastic except we had to leave at 9:00am for the doctor! Sent James down to get his breakfast and he brought it up to the room so he could help watch the boys while I ran downstairs to make the boy’s pouppri/mish mash. Deyan ate more this morning than he has every other morning, other than Saturday morning when he at like 5 pieces of coffee cake and about ½ cup of milk to make it mushy! While he ate more than usual he did not eat a lot at all; maybe 8 bites. MAYBE. Martin, however, ate really really well! Dad showered while I changed boys, got them dressed, finished feeding and packed up the boys. I left my jacket and just took my scarf, an afgan from India; a gift from a friend. I get so hot so easily and HATE being sweaty. I’m glad that I didn’t wear my coat. It was FLIPPING HOT in that stupid building!

Okay, going to get political for just a sec, mom feel free to delete this part from the blog if you want to because it is my own personal view and rant…This morning was the perfect example of why Obamacare is stupid. It was 1 building with all the doctors on different levels. It was so impersonal. (I realize we are never going to see the doctors again, and that we are just here for an okay to enter the States but still) The building had just about every type of doctor and was full of people at 9:20am. Hot, over crowded building full of people with who knows what’s wrong with them or why they’re there..not being able to pick my doctor or an appointment time is NOT okay. And apparently this was a PRIVATE clinic! Screw a “for real” public one. And SCREW OBAMACARE. There, I’m done J And see, mama, I put it into a paragraph all its own so you can just highlight and delete if you want J

One level down from the peds was the obgyn clinic. I had Deyan down there while he practiced walking. He got lots of loving looks and a woman even played ball with him for close to 5 mins. She talked to him in Bulgarian, I could understand some of it. She was telling him he’s handsome/beautiful, that he’s good and sweet. She had tears in her eyes when I told her that he’s being adopted and going back to the States. She spoke English very well and we talked for a bit. Eye doctor, did not get their eyes dilated. I asked if we had to and we didn’t..no sense in ruining their vision for a few hours and making things uncomfortable especially when they are going to have another car ride later. Next was the what I’m assuming was the ENT, but she just looked in their ears and sent us on our way. I know at least Deyan has an ear infection, probably Christopher, too, because I can see some drainage in his ear. I am really mad that they didn’t say anything. I wasn’t expecting a prescription or anything but just a “hey, he is probably in pain, try some Tylenol” is the least I expected. The pediatrician was a very lovely gentleman. After waiting for close to 1 hour to see him we went into his office. He had propped a window open by using a toy block from the waiting area (which I am completely okay with) and I could see an immediate difference in both boys from even just 30 seconds in a cooler room. Before we went in I was pacing, playing and walking with Deyan while dad walked stairs with Christopher/Martin/Marty.

Deyan apparently had an ultrasound in August and only has 1 kidney. From what I remember, neither of his testicles have descended either. I’m not too worried about his kidney right now; I change his DRENCHED diapers more than Martin/Christopher/Marty. Every morning he wakes up soaked through his diaper, onsie and footie jammies and on to his sheet. I change him RIGHT before he goes to bed, too. Martin/Christopher/Marty is fine, according to his “check up.” Nobody even looked at his face from his SIB. He’s been getting Neosporin with pain relief on it and we’ve been really good about his hands. He gets in a few baps every once in a while but you can tell with the way he hits himself that he has to go at it for a while to create that kind of damage.

Back to the hotel for the boy’s quick lunch, both ate well, and caught a cab to the US Embassy. Martin LOVES taxi rides! He sits in the middle seat in the back so he can see out the front and will sit there with his hands on his lap and just watch; makes an occasional clicking and popping sound but very very well behaved! Deyan saw that Martin was sitting in a seat so he wanted to sit alone, too. After about 3 mins sitting in front of my legs that was not good enough and he wanted to sit alone next to Martin. He sat there very nicely!!! We met Dani at the Embassy. After security with the boys, which was a breeze compared to any other security I’ve done (and I still felt very very safe…they just were fantastic and understood the needs of the kids and were so GREAT.) We were the first called to see the whoever we had to see to be able to come home.

While waiting I was talking to a woman who was adopting a 5 year old boy. The boy, she said, was classified as moderately mentally retarded. The boy spoke clearly, though loudly, made eye contact, walked, ate well and communicated with everyone around him. The only difference between him and a typical kid that I could tell was his voice was very very very very loud. He LOVED Deyan; wanted to give him some of his drink and share his cookies. It was so sad to tell him that Deyan doesn’t chew and drink well at all. He said that he would give him a drink and a banana tomorrow. J

After 5 mins in the interview room, and the man telling us it was nice to talk to US citizen that aren’t criminals, we were on our way with the paper work in hand! Caught a cab back to the hotel and played with the boys while papa got a nice break and dinner. I showed Martin how to pour coins from a cup to a bowl and other things like that, and he LOVED it. HE did it with me for about 3 mins before Deyan scooted over and wanted all of my attention. Martin was okay with James playing with him so I snuggled with Deyan.

I am in the hotel restaurant right now having dinner, at close to 9pm, and apparently both boys went to sleep about 40 mins ago!!!!! Deyan was POOPED, plus he got a melatonin and a Triaminic cough strip for his cold. He was out in about 5 mins and Martin/Christopher/Marty followed suit. James came down and helped me finish my dinner, pork medallions wrapped in bacon, broccoli (maybe the best tasting broccoli of my life) and tater tots made with for real mashed potatoes, not shredded taties. Hopefully bed time is early tonight; I’m tired and I’m guessing that it will be an early morning because of such an easy going, early night!

Tomorrow is our last day here and dad and I were talking about doing a cab tour of the city; hopefully I can get out and take some pictures at some places. Plus there is a Starbucks out there. I’ve had really good coffee here at the hotel but a nice, comfort coffee (Christmas blend!!!) will be nice. I also have gifts to get, and the Christmas-mart is still open. Both boys like the car and both enjoy being out in the fresh air so hopefully we can get out! There is also a traditional Buglarian restaurant down the street, as well as Happy Grill. I vote traditional, we’re hoping the boys will be good out to eat..i guess we will find out! Well, I am off to the room, dad says Deyan is sleep singing (I LOVE IT) so we have to be super quiet…I am going to make photo books and stuff tonight before my coupons expire ..then hopefully an early bed time!

Where have all of the comments gone?

2011-12-14T19:50:00.000-05:00

Mary here....
I don't know where the comments that folks are leaving are going. I have reports that people are leaving comments. I have my blog set to moderate comments, and they should come in an email to me. I've gotten 2, both of which I have published. There are none in my "un-moderated" comment section, and none in my spam section. Anyone have any suggestions? Email me, because apparently if you leave a comment, it won't get to me!

Mary

2 day update (the power is off..yay);

2011-12-14T19:47:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a full day of no appointments, just chilling in the hotel with the 2 boys. Breakfast is a mix we are calling poupourri –just because that is how it looks like it would be pronounced in English. It is a mix of (yay power is back on!!) bread, green tea, sugar, cheese and butter. I know, iew, right? I took down the paper schedule that Deyan’s orphanage gave to us; my mom said that the schedule is a country wide outline that each orphanage is supposed to follow. So, assuming each director did their job, each boy should be pretty close to the same as far as schedule expectations and such. I think Deyan is just not a big breakfast eating type of guy. He takes a good 20-30 mins to wake up completely. During this time he babbles to himself and gently tickles and rubs his arms and belly, especially around his belly button. I help him out a bit but he mostly just wants to sit on my lap and do it himself. The kindly man who works what seems to be everywhere in the hotel made the mish mash and brought it up to the room with James. Martin LOVED it. The cheese is as close to Feta as I can describe; it’s very crumbly, solid white and thick. Deyan didn’t eat any of it but ate a yogurt at around 9:30 or 10. He’s been rubbing his ears a lot and after about 30 mins of a dose of Tylenol he stops so I’m guessing it’s an earache. He’s got a cold; green snotty nose, congested and phelmy cough so earache fits the shoe quiet well. Snacks are a yogurt, half a banana and sometimes 8 little vanilla wafer like crackers, or no cookies. Martin loves walking up and down the stairs; he more likes being carried but he can walk and he will. I give in and carry sometimes but tell him in Bulgarian to say “up”. *FAMILY: ANOTHER THING TO LEARN TO SAY IS “say” IN BULGARIAN* that is helpful. After only a few tries he successfully says “uhh” and puts his arms up to us when he wants up. He can vocalize and has the ability to talk so we are requesting an “uhhh” sound (at minimum) for any up motion coming from us. He can be stubborn, but what kid isn’t at times? He definitely prefers James and my dad; dad more than James and James more than me. I’m the last resort, pretty much, but that’s okay because he needs to get really attached and familiar with James and dad. He picks me last usually because I am pretty demanding of vocalizations. Call me “Mrs. Meanie”. Martin raged again, but it wasn’t with as much force and intensity as the first night. Deyan kept putting his arms and hands out to me to be picked up; how can I turn down a kid who spent 6 years being ignored and left alone to cry for who knows how long?! I picked him up every time; first I kissed him and told him “I love you” in Bulgarian. He would put his head on my shoulder, give me his mouth or cheek to kiss and put his arms up..how do you say no?! Earlier in the day we went out for a walk..Martin was with my dad in his arms and I was pushing Deyan..Martin was overwhelmed with all the vehicles (he LOVES watching them from the window) so dad and James took him back to the room..within 3 mins of them being gone Deyan fell asleep in the stroller. I walked back to the hotel and sat in the lobby with him sleeping in the stroller for about 40 mins..about an hour nap. At about 20 to midnight my dad woke up and suggested a warm bath. I went to run the water and when I came back out he said to let him be; to watch him but that he is looking like he’ll fall asleep. Luckily, around midnight he did. I tried putting him in the stroller again and walking the halls but apparently people can smoke in the hallways. I am out of network with my insurance and I cannot go to the hospital here so we stayed in the hotel room. It was 1am before I got to bed; I showered, did dishes, washed clothes and hung them, folded dry clothes and collected my sanity.

Last one asleep but I got to doze in and out for about 10 mins, which was nice. I made mish mash this time and again Deyan didn’t want breakfast but ate a pudding for snack and chowed down on lunch, afternoon snack and dinner. Dad made a few trips to the store, which was a nice break for him. I walked 8 flights of stairs with Martin I’m sure what had to be close to 10 times today. Up and down, up and down. He loved riding the stroller…he wore gloves and didn’t throw them; just watched all the cars, trucks, busses and trollies go past. Deyan slept for about an hour with dad in the room while James and I had Martin out for a walk. (lucky dad!) At lunch we gave Martin a Dramamine, sometimes it can hype kids up. He sat nicely for the stroller and a few hours after; but he’s getting Deyan’s cold and feels crummy. He’s given himself a bruise where is old open wound was. I think that area is still sensitive and doesn’t take a lot to bruise…just 1 hit in the right way. James played with Deyan while I walked with Martin up and down the stairs some more. Every step we took I exaggerated my steps and said, “dobre, bravo Martin!” Then with the next step translated it to English, “Good, good job Martin!” Gotta start working on that English little guys! Deyan does not like to share! Every toy that Martin gets, Deyan wants to take. Luckily Martin doesn’t mind Deyan taking it (does he notice he’s younger? Fear of reprimand? Doesn’t give 2 monkies butts about the toy??) and Deyan will slowly move all the toys into “his section” of the room; which is pretty much wherever Martin is not. Because Deyan does not walk he needs to move things in shifts..1 toy at a time to different “pit stops” while he brings the rest of the toys..then keeps going. Pretty fun to watch but need to now study my cheat sheet for “share with your brother” sayings. *FAMILY..STUDY!!!* Martin was fading fast in the evening; we managed to sneak in some Tylenol; hi s scabs were hurting him and he was uncomfortable. He ate 2 pudding cups, with Tylenol and melatonin, and got rubbed down with night time lotion. I took Deyan in for a bath but when I brought him in to his crib, Martin woke up full force. After the power went off and came back on I changed Martin. Come to find out, I think he has worms. Poor baby has been getting Mirlax, or something like it, the past few days and has only had 1 good sized BM. Mom and Em agree it is probably worms; but there is nothing we can do until he gets here except feed him and love him. He’s getting a lot of both! It is now almost 1 am and Martin is still awake; the Dramamine had adverse side effects afterwards…we tried it now so we’d know these things. Dad asked me to take a turn with him for a bit; I got him to sleep after a bit but then he woke back up when I tried to put him in his crib. Dad got him laying down while I was just skyping with my husband, Sean, and we had all the lights out and I bumped into a bottle that clanked into another bottle. Nothing fell and broke but 1 clank was all it took to wake him back up. I’M SORRY PAPA!! So it looks like I’ll be waiting out the storm before I go to sleep…I’m with you, pop!!! Tomorrow we meet with the doc in the morning; hopefuilly he can look in ears and stuff and prescribe meds so the airplane ride doesn’t make their heads want to explode. We also have the Embassy meeting at 1:30pm. I’m still hoping to get to see some of the city before we leave..tomorrow may be the last day!! Here’s hoping!!!

Catch you all on the flip side J

Suggestion....

2011-12-12T19:13:00.002-05:00

Jim and Marie had quite the day with the boys today.
Perhaps "Martin" would do better if we called him by his new first name "Christopher".

Just sayin'.....

Mama
(Can you guess who wants to call him Martin, and who wants to call him Christopher?)

HOLY COW.

2011-12-12T19:12:00.000-05:00

Martin, my darling, you are safe with us and we all love you. You are a good boy.

That’s all I can say to this poor baby. L He had a 2 hour raging session this evening after I held him and got some Tylenol with melatonin in him. During this he/I managed to break one of his scabs on his face. He has displayed self injurious behavior recently; his cheek is scabbing over finally but it looks like he scratches and hits his cheek. Tylenol was given in hopes to help the cheek; but I fear I did more harm than good. He needed to be held in the nurse position for the syringe. I melted the melatonin in a drop of water and added the Tylenol and sucked it into the syringe and gave it; more forced it. He is good at resisting; I found the gap in his front bottom teeth and he got about ½ of the 5ml dose.

HOWEVER, he spent over 2 hours raging. And I mean RAGING. Self abusive, screaming, crying and all. It was a change of pace not having to bob and weave per Jacob method but broke my heart to see him so distraught. And that’s exactly what he was. Poor baby has NO clue what’s going on. If I could change 1 thing in the adoption process so far it would be to have someone with us closely to be able to explain to the children what is going on. The people here on the “team” are great; I love them all for what they do and I can tell their heart is really in it! But to just be able to have someone who’s sole job is to tell the children they are safe and with their new family; to be able to tell us if any of their communication is in Bulgarian or gestures that maybe we are not familiar with but are customary in their country.

Dad did a FANTASTIC job with Martin!!!!!!!! I am very impressed and Martin, while mad at the situation, clearly displayed comfort when in dad’s presence. Papa asked me to be with Martin once while he went to the restroom. At this point it was to the point of no return; Martin needed both hands held or prevented from going to his face to smack/punch/scratch/hit himself. Plus he was banging his body and head on the crib and trying to climb out, all while screaming. GOD BLESS Deyan; baby fell asleep during the commotion!

Deyan and I kicked it for a couple hours while dad and James went to get Christopher. I was VERRRYYY distraught that he was not eating. I took him to breakfast in his stroller. We were the only people there; it started at 7 and we were there at about 7:30. I took him into the breakfast nook and faced him out so he could see me. I got my coffee (the most important thing to start the day; ask anyone ;) ) and filled my plate so I wouldn’t have to go back for things for me. (I had 2 small rolls and put ham, turkey, cheese, jam and butter on my plate along with slices of kiwi, oranges and grapefruit.) I got Deyan breakfast; he’s been LOVING the coffee cake with milk and has eaten 3 pieces the past 2 mornings. Well, this morning he flat out refused food; anything. No matter what. I tried a glass of milk just to get some protein in him and that was a no go as well. I finished my breakfast and played with him while I did so. We killed close to an hour and a half in the breakfast hall; complete with stares from just about everyone. I was wearing my Reece’s Rainbow shirt that says something like “It really is that black and white. Every child with Down syndrome deserves a home”. I’m sure the shirt helped with the stares. I’m still in the middle of my tattoo design that is in memory of Jacob Henry, who passed before he could be saved from the despair of hunger, loneliness, fear and anxiety as well as to forever keep with me those who my family has been able to save and that we have been blessed with in birth.

RIP JACOB HENRY. YOU WILL NEVER BEEN FORGOTTEN. WE ALL LOVE YOU AND THINK OF YOU EVERY DAY.

That brings me to my next topic. Sadness. I felt it all day today. I cried this morning every time Deyan refused food. He is so small and I know he needs what I am offering him and I don’t know why he won’t take it. Every time he refuses I think of Jacob Henry and how he died. I look at this precious kid sitting with me and know I can’t force him to eat even though I know he needs it and I know Jacob Henry died from lack of food at a child’s age. Think of it; to die from starvation before you are 8?? Unfathomable and yet he did; and he was alone, scared and helpless. Nobody to save him, nobody to feed him. And here I am with a child who so desperately needs it. On top of refusing food last night and nearly all day the poor kid has also been constipated. I can watch his belly get even more distended, I swear it. I have nothing to give him and even if I did, he would refuse it. Sadness again.

We met papa, James and Christopher at the passport building and quickly got pics taken and out of there. It is GREAT that Toni’s mom went ahead and filled everything out for us and waited in line. (she also shoved some people out of line who tried to take our spots..Go grandma, go!) Martin’s picture was first, which is great because he screamed so loudly it made peepaw,, grandma and even Mu roll in their graves in joy to the family addition! Toni’s mom told dad to take Martin outside after his picture was done. Deyan’s took a bit longer; 3 tries. We got everyone back to the hotel and dad made a trip to the supermarket. It took a while to get a cab back so James and I were with the little guys for a while alone.

Deyan finally pooped..3 times..large each time! He must have been changed standing up in the orphanage because that’s how he automatically prepares. I go with it and he holds still enough that it only takes 1 person to change him. When he’s wet I can just sit him in my lap while I’m in the boat position (yoga people know what’ I’m talking about) and he complies with every move I make. After going to the bathroom he ate enough for an entire day’s worth of food in about 2 hours. He LOVED getting banana yogurt fed to him through a syringe! 5 mls at a time. I’m sure it’s because he doesn’t have to do anything but open his mouth. He tries to push the syringe back so far in his mouth that the yogurt slides down his throat. I make him work a bit more than that to get it; though I admit not much harder. Any food in his belly is a bonus so I’m not fighting it. Any way this kid wants food he gets it. If I have to dance on the ledge of the Earth I will do it for him or Martin..or Jacob, Matt, Joey or James. Hell, Emily, Julie, Dan or Catie, too. Even if some of them refuse to speak to me. Family is everything and one day everyone will come to that understanding and apologize for wrong doings. Alright..off my soap box.

Deyan and Martin both took baths. Deyan LOVES the bath and would spend forever in there. He knows a bath is when you wash your body and hair. He must not have had time to play in the tub because every few mins he stands up, rubs his arms and tummy and hair and looks at me. Martin, however, was terrified. HE stood in the tub and watched Deyan but would not sit down. In time little guy, in time.

I held Deyan while dad held Christopher this evening. Deyan looked at the photo album that was taken to him. I’ve only been showing him mom and dad’s pictures. To each of their pictures, at different times, he has put his lips to their photos. He also gently taps them. I tell him who they are and that they love him, that I love him, and that we are his forever family; here for everything and anything. And then I cry again. LOL.

Deyan and I walked and bounced as he fell asleep. At one point he had his head on my shoulder and fell asleep. However, he woke up because he dropped his ball. I looked over at Martin and Deyan put his hand on my cheek and pulled my face back to look at him…anyone that knows Jake knows that is what he does when he doesn’t have all the attention. Well, Mister Deyan, a bit selfish are we?! Bring it on, baby, bring it on. There are so many people to spoil you and your new brother. J

Well, now that it is going on midnight I should get to bed. Rumor has it Martin wakes up at 4-5am each morning. And his crib is right by my bed. J

Leka Nosh everyone!

Sunday Goings-On

2011-12-11T19:51:00.000-05:00

What a fantastic day!

Need to figure out how to link the youtube video of Deyan and me playing behind the curtain , dancing and playing for close to an hour. Papa took a long nap today and Deyan was NOT having the nap time; how can you turn down a precious little boy who holds his arms out to you begging to be picked up? Especially after he spent 6 years in an orphanage? He has the rest of his life to take a nap; now is the time for snuggles, playing and laughing. And that is exactly what we did for 3 hours together. I walked with him, bouncing him and talking in Bulgarian; well, what Bulgarian I know. I am able to say with confidence “good night” ,“I love you” , “you’re a good boy”, “you’re so handsome”, “it’s okay, it’s alright”, “give me a kiss, please”, “good day”, “good night”, “pee”, “poop”, “sit down”, “good” and “good job”. These words, along with a few more that may be helpful in the near future, are serving me well. I can tell Deyan responds to my Bulgarian. Today we took a cab to church; English Mass right by the British consulate. Deyan was clearly confused and a bit concerned with the cab ride. He makes a throaty noise when he is unhappy, sad, discontented. I tell him in Bulgarian “it’s okay, it’s alright. I love you, I love you.” And give him a kiss and he stops making the sound and snuggles into me a bit. Not a lot at all, but just enough to let me know he hears me and understands he is safe with us. He went into a giggle fit as soon as Mass started so papa took him outside while James and I stayed for Mass.

Mass was interesting, to say the least. Parents just let their children run amuck. Seriously. There were maybe 40 folding chairs in the entire church and practically all the children just ran up and down the aisle like it was nothing. I noticed this the other night at dinner, too. We went to the Christmas market, which was fantastic except it was sponsored by Germany..like the country. No Bulgarian ornaments to be found, but we will keep looking!!! Deyan did much better away from the crowd; enjoyed sitting on a lap or walking holding 2 fingers on a sidewalk behind the market.

For those who don’t know, Deyan can’t walk alone yet; he gets ahead of himself quickly when he’s walking with a finger..he prefers to just hold 1 or 2 fingers with 1 hand and have the other to balance himself but he gets so excited about walking that if he were just let go with just holding those fingers he’d fall on his face…so he needs help regulating his speed, which he doesn’t really care for..lol..fast is his speed.

After a jar of salmon and veggie baby food we got a cab home so he could eat more; we got beer and brats on a bun for lunch which were DELISH. Cabbie tried to pull another fast one on us; I was riding in back with Deyan and James. Deyan was making his throaty noises again so I told him I love him and that it’s okay in Bulgarian and he calmed down again and sat quietly on my lap with his head right on my chest. ( <3 ) Got to the hotel and I took him right inside because he was nearing time for another dose of tylonel, poor baby has a cold. Apparently cabbie didn’t start the meter and told papa it was 10 leva for the2.50 ride it should have been. Dad told him “No” and the guy insisted. So dad took out his phone and told cabbie he was going to call the police after taking a pic of his cabbie license. He took off without any payment at all. :-P

Deyan and I spent about 3 hours together just the 2 of us this afternoon. He wanted to look out the window but seemed to be in sensory overload when he did, along with the hotel room being full of stuff. I pulled the curtain around us to make a cave and that’s where we spent most of our time. We danced, talked, looked at each other, sang and just enjoyed each other. I’m so sad that it could not be my mom here to do this with him; but at least I am the mean lady who took him from everything he knows and mom can be the familiar face (hopefully) that he sees when we finally get back home.

He ate another 2 jars of baby food after getting another dose of tylonel and finally went down for a nap at 5. We skyped with the family for a bit and he woke up around 6. He was not hungry tonight, which I am assuming is the cold. I tried everything and he was able to communicate that he did not want anything I was giving him. Good for communication, bad for nutrition. He got a Triminic cough strip, which he HATED but worked wonders, as well as a melatonin crushed up with some water in a syringe. He takes meds nicely, which is always a bonus.

He played so well with papa tonight. He had a baby toy that you pull down like 5 inches and it vibrates as it goes back up. He gave it to dad and put dad’s hand in the air up high so he would have to reach for it to pull it. Then he turned himself around, leaned back on my dad’s chest and stomach and played and played; laughed and laughed.

He needs mineral oil or prune juice; poor kid has not had a BM in almost 2 days. L Toni said she’d take my dad somewhere to get him something tomorrow.

I sang him the song, “I love you, you love me. We’re a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won’t you say you love me, too.” And he seemed to try to clap my hands to the beat at times. I sang for close to 20 mins while dad and James were out getting KFC for dinner; which was surprisingly good.

When he gets tired Deyan gets giggly or throws toys wanting you to give them back so he can keep throwing. I tried to teach him to throw to me so he could get them back but that will take time. Slowly but surely. After about 50 mins of him tossing toys and drinking about 4 oz of water from a cup he finally went to bed, close to 9:40 I think. He wanted to hold his cup, so I gave the lightest amount of pressure possible while keeping control of the cup. He drank pretty well; better than from a sippy cup. He knew to wipe his mouth with the wash cloth but threw it after he was done. Gotta work on that, too.

Down side; the Bengals blew their amazing game against the Texans. We were able to get a live video stream of the game. It got iffy towards the end so we switched to audio only. We are a freshman team; brand new players. I will give them the grace of this year to allow time to get to know each other. We are going to KILL it next year! Papa sent mom the link so Matt was able to watch the game online, too. It didn’t sell out so it was blacked out. That is the stupidest rule of the NFL. EVER.

Joey learned how to Skype today! I tried to call mom while dad and James were out getting dinner. Joey figured out how to answer, without video but that’s okay. He was able to tell me that Emily and Jake were sleeping and that mom was at the store. Matt confirmed this information. Then Joey was able to relay to mom that I called; without me asking him to! I was typing this blog message when I got a call from “Mary Stolz” on my dad’s skpe. Keep in mind, his skype is under Marty Thompson, I believe. So I answer the call thinking it’s my mom. Nope. It’s Joey! He figured out how to call, without video. He asked for “his James.” When I told him James was asleep he said, “Okay, good night!” and walked away! I had texted my mom to let her know so she came in with Jake and we were able to say hi. The poor baby, Jake is having such a hard time with this whole situation. I can’t wait to get back home and spend some time with him; he’s going to need it!

Well, papa and James are off to get Christopher Martin tomorrow so it’s just Deyan and me for a few hours! Passport office closes at 1pm tomorrow so we all have to be there before then! Wish me luck with the cabbie; let’s hope I don’t have to threaten to call the police; though I will if I need to.

=We are so much closer to getting our whole family together; I can’t wait! What a wonderful Christmas gift!!! I will send videos and pics to my mom for her to upload! Be patient though, she’s practically all alone with all the kids which is very hard; I know!

I miss you all and love you!

Rie

Mary's Turn

2011-12-10T21:35:00.000-05:00

It is 9:30 PM EST, I just got Jacob to sleep (Very rare that he is up this late...he is missing papa!) and I came in to post Marie's post that you will read next. For some reason, she is having trouble getting it to post from the Budapest, so she sends it to me in an attachment, I post it from home.

Notice, her first line...how she cannot wait for him to wake up tomorrow...well, at 9:30 PM EST, it is 4:30 AM Sofia time, and guess who is awake????

That will teach her to say things like that. It is like he KNOWS!

I can't wait to get my hands on this little stinker!

Mary

First Full Day with Deyan--by Marie

2011-12-10T21:31:00.002-05:00

A full day with Deyan and I can’t wait for him to wake up tomrrow for another day!

He is so precious, I could eat him with a spoon, or spork for that matter! He is so loving, sweet and easy going! We went to the Billa (or Barilla or Brillo, I can’t keep it straight) for more food for him. We walked, he strolled in the umbrella stroller. He was good for the walk there but his poor hands got cold, I think. He went in the cart nicely but showed me he wanted up and out about half way through. I will honor just about any request right now, to show him communication gets you things you want and need. He wanted to walk, do his robot dance and smile and giggle and how can you say no to that!? On the way home it was a bit more of a struggle. He was getting teary, which I am assuming is from the cold more than discomfort because he showed no other signs of discomfort. I held him most of the way back, after papa had a turn in the beginning. He snuggled in to my shoulder and arm in the beginning then wanted to face outward or on his stomach the rest of the way. I kept telling him, in Bulgarian, that he’s a good boy, that I love him and that he’s handsome because that’s all I know, but he seemed to respond to it. Not directly, verbally or gesturally but emotionally he seemed to understand he was safe with me and in a calm place even though his surroundings were a bit crazy. That is FANTASTIC to observe; to know that he is forming a bond with us and trusts that we will keep him safe. It brings tears to my eyes to think about him.

He ate like a monster again; GREAT! He loved the coffee cake with milk (3 squares), oatmeal (2 instant packages), yogurt with honey. HE also loved his bath this morning; he knew to wash his hair in the tub with no prompts. He took water in his tiny hands and put it on his head and rubbed his hair. He LOVED the tub; played in the running water from the faucet and slid around in the basin. I can’t get over his cuteness and how much I love him. J

While he tried to nap papa and James got durners (sp?) that are as big as my face. Seriously.

Lotion is something that Deyan LOVES. I showered and was putting on lotion and he came right over. I put lotion on him after his bath this morning and he loved it, too. In remembrance of grandma (RIP) I heated it up in the sink in hot water and he couldn’t get enough of me putting it in my hands and he would put his hands on mine and rub his hands up and down my arms then want me to rub the lotion on his arms , elbows and sometimes up his bicep and shoulders. Not too much, and he’s so skinny that it makes me cry to put lotion on him, but he loves it. J

Deyan does the robot dance which I also am in love with. He takes your fingers or thumbs and dances with them, moving them back and forth, squatting every once in a while and giggling. Sometimes he’ll do a silly movement similar to swimming. He just cracks up; which makes us laugh which makes him laugh more. And that is awesome J

James and I went to the Opera while papa and Deyan tried to sleep. Apparently he was robot dancing to keep himself awake. He’s skipping his naps, which is fine but he needs that down, quiet time.

I showed him how to brush his teeth; of course he wanted my tooth brush, which is fine J so I layed with him and brushed with his and he used mine. He more chewed on the bristles after he learned I was going to say “no” when he tried to chew on the handle. He did great and we mirrored each other for about 10 mins with the toothbrush. Each time he mirrored me he got a “dobre!! Dobre bravo, Deyan!” Which seemed to encourage him as long as it was not too loud J

He also seems to have an aversion to bright lights, which I get, too. But just FYI mama J

I can’t say enough how much I love this kid.

James and I went to the opera tonight; 10USD for 7^th row tickets; can’t beat that! We caught a cab up there and stayed for the show, after I conveyed to cabbie we wanted the opera, which I did by saying “opera, laaaa laaa laaa!!!”. We also got a cab to the Happy Grill, which was fun, because cabbie had NO idea what we wanted! Cab ride home was interesting. After discussing skanks with James the cabbie tried to say we owed him 10 leva for the ride home. I said, “no, last ride was 2 leva” he said, “Fine, 7 leva” and I told James to get out of the cab. I asked for a receipt, which he didn’t have because he never started the meter. He tried to tell me again that it was 7 leva, I told him again, “No, last ride was 2 leva, nice try, I’m from Las Vegas. You get an A for effort, though!” He finally said, “okay 2 leva” and we were on our way. I was ticked he tried to take advantage but proud of myself that I didn’t let him get away with it! J

Made it to the hotel with Deyan fast asleep, talking in his sleep (mama, how do I upload a video with audio of Deyan sleep talking?) and now I’m off to bed! Mass and Christmas market tomorrow!:) I miss you all, my lovely family, but we are bringing home 2 new, perfect additions! J

Deyan Day 1....post by Marie

2011-12-09T16:42:00.002-05:00

Wow, what a whirl wind! Yesterday after I posted we headed out to Mass for the Immaculate Conception. Found a Catholic church after I ran inside to ask the nice bell hop, who spoke some English, to tell the cabbie where we wanted to go. Mass was less than 45 mins, probably partly because there were 9 people in the church; including the 3 of us! The priest knew we spoke English; he gave us communion in English. Afterwards a bitty old woman came over to us with a box of chocolates and offered us some. What a way to celebrate the Immaculate Conception; with chocolates. I loved her thought hahaa We walked to the Happy Grill for a few beers for the grownups and a pop for James. We got some appetizers in preparation of the nearly inedible free hotel dinner. I asked for a Happy Grill ornament and I scored J My Christmas tree will be extra happy this year! Walked through the beginnings of a Christmas market. Unfortunately they only had food and beer tents set up so I am still on the hunt for ornaments that say Bulgaria; I haven’t forgotten! I camped in the restaurant while James and papa went for a swim. I forgot my suit at home but enjoyed computer time and beers while they swam. After they came back we chatted at the table and had a few more drinks, then off to the room for bed!

Breakfast and packed up in the morning then off to liberate Deyan! I must say, I’ve never been to an orphanage in eastern Europe but every worker that I encountered smiled, seemed friendly and the building was clean and decorated nicely. The director and social worker were very sweet and did their best to communicate with us; the social worker spoke very little English but understood quite a bit and I’m not sure about the director; she didn’t make any attempt at English. It took what seemed like FOREVER for them to bring him to us. Of course, he came in and I cried haha, and he went right to papa. Dad was armed with Deyan’s favorite toy, a light up spikey ball. He was fairly restless, I’m sure because there were so many people doting on him, he was in his new outfit which was warm, I’m sure, because I was warm and not as layered as he was. His baba, grandma worker, was able to come in and say good bye to him and us, which was wonderful. She gave me a STRONG hug and kiss and was teary, which made me teary again! Don’t worry mom, I cried for the both of us!!! It was so wonderful to see that people truly cared for him. I could tell she was sad to see him go but so happy that he found his forever family. J We can’t thank you enough, Baba, for keeping Deyan alive and loved until we could rescue him! After signing papers, mom, just fyi, your name starts with an L on those papers. ;) We went to the Black Sea for pictures there and Deyan was so good J I think he was overwhelmed with the action and confused about where he was going and what we were doing with him. I held him down so he could touch the water, got a few pictures and headed to the car.

The rest of the ride back was pretty uneventful, which was nice. We stopped at a JUMBO, which is sort of like a Walmart, from what I understood from dad and James. Deyan needed diapers, wipes and food and of course they only have size 5 diapers and the poor kid’s butt and hips needs like a -2 size! Scratch the JUMBO trip; keep driving to find a store with more selection. About an hour later we find a small town and Danni (the woman who’s translating for us) and her dad ask for a store. Deyan did WONDERFULLY for his first grocery store trip. Went into the cart nicely, held on, looked around, smiled every so often and was just a pleasure. I love the way they do their produce..they have a computer with a digital scale; you go through the computer options for the fruit you have, put it on the scale and it prints out a sticker for the cashier. Anyways, Mr. Dido needed to be changed so I went to the bathroom with him. I’ve never seen people so blatantly stare at someone with a disability before. Some of the women cooed at him while he was making his gurgling noises but most people stare and practically walked into things as they were looking.

Changing in the car works better, the bathrooms were dirty and I wasn’t about to scar him like that for his first diaper change with me, the strange talking lady who took him from all he knows. He fought sleeping the entire 7 HOUR car ride home. No tantrums, no tears, just a few grunts every now and then to let us know he dind’t want to be in the car seat any more. He tried to push his belly out against the straps and took our hands to the buckle a few times but after a “ni” he stopped. He really is a sweet boy who just wants to be loved and be in contact with people. He either touched or held dad or my hand the entire car ride; craving physical contact. He LOVES my scarf that was a gift from a friend who went to India. It is very soft with calm, warm colors and a nice pattern. He was so great in the car; I’m hopeful that after a week together, learning each other’s personalities and such that the plane ride will be even smoother. That and he can get up and waddle around when he needs to. J

Stopped at a roadside joint for a quick meal; sausage/beef/mystery meat (pretty good), boiled, cubed potatoes, a tomato soup sauce and cabbage. Deyan loved the potatoes mashed up in the tomato sauce/soup..he ate almost all of them!

The stroller works best for feeding. After a quick Skype with mama we went to eat at the hotel restaurant for dinner. Mr. Dido ate a big jar of fish mashed with veggies of some sort and a big yogurt cup thingy. Plus I was giving him some of the gravy and cheese from our food. He drank out of the cup better than I thought. He just chewed on the sippy cup in the car so I figured I’d try the cup at dinner. We chatted with a lovely family who is leaving to go back home, to Atlanta I believe, tomorrow morning. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU ALL! YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY! Diaper changes are a challenge and I need to figure out how I am going to do this from now on so he’s not thrown for a loop on the plane; I need him to know what to expect from me. Email me if you have suggestions, keeping in mind how small airplane bathrooms are.

James and I took a nice 20 min stroll around the block and to the store while papa put Deyan down after we Skyped again, changed him and played a bit. He was still awake when we got back so he got almost an entire LARGE banana with a melatonin crushed in it. I kid you not, less than 15 mins later he crashed and is still asleep.

Here’s the rundown of his daily schedule; mom this is mostly for you so you know J I will type it exactly as Danni translated and we can discuss if you want..

7-7:45am- wake up, washing

8-8:20- breakfast which is one of these options..1. popara (which is tea cheese, bread, butter and sugar mixed up), milk and biscuits 2. Sandwich 3. Tea, milk and airam (which is yogurt and water and is drank)

8:20-8:40- potty

8:40-9- play with toys

9-9:20- cognitive development/play

9:20-9:50- free play (hahahahahaa)

9:50-10- tea, milk, airam

10-10:20- potty

10:20-11:45- walk and play outside

11:45-12:15 lunch which is one of the following 1. Soup with veggies or meat and bread, then dessert which is a sweet of some sort or yogurt or fruit

12:15-1- get ready for nap, washing, and potty

1-3:30- nap

3:30-4- wake up, washing, potty

4-4:20- afternoon breakfast- milk, rice and yogurt, or airam, fruit and tea

4:20-6:15- afternoon play, walking outside ect

6:15-6:30- washing, potty, prep for dinner

6:30-7- dinner- meal with or without meat, milk and biscuits, bread

7-7:20- potty

7:20-8- washing, prep for bed

8pm-7am-sleep

We’ll see how it goes, I think we can keep it pretty consistent for him, which is great!

Well, it’s 11:15pm here, everyone’s been asleep for about an hour and I should turn in soon, too. Enjoy the pictures and I’ll blog more tomorrow!

Greetings from Burgas

2011-12-08T14:19:00.002-05:00

Greetings from Burgas J

After 12 hours of sleep and breakfast with coffee I am feeling more like myself. We met a family in the restaurant who just adopted their 3 year old son and was he cute! At one point his mom and dad were both getting something from the breakfast nook, which was literally 10 steps away, and the 3 year old was talking to their 6 year old, who clearly had no clue what the poor 3 year old was saying! Before we went back up to our room we went over to say good bye and papa was able to talk to their new son, who’s eyes lit up when he heard dad ask him how he is doing in Bulgarian. The cd he bought has given him the skills to chat with a 3 year old!!! (which is about all we need.) Back to the room to pack; James can’t remember where he packed anything or if things got packed at all. He was reminded of his duties as “know where everything is at all times” and “poopy diaper helper”.

The ride to Burgas was uneventful, which is the way I like car rides to be. Made 1 stop at a gas station for a quick lunch of chicken ham in a wrap (don’t know if it was chicken, ham or both) and water while James and papa shared a salami sandwich and coke and fanta. Random steering wheel jerks aside, it was a fairly smooth ride. Driving about 10 miles under the speed limit got really old really fast so I took a few naps. About 4 hours later we arrive in Burgas at Hotel Aqua and check into our room. It has 3 single beds, which will be nice for me because I have the pull out couch for the remainder of the trip!

Really bummed we all fell asleep last night before we could skpe with the boys but we did get to see mama and talk to her for a bit. We have church at 5pm, which we will cab it to, then hopefully find Starbucks (I sure could use a pick me up!) and dinner. We are holding off on going down to the Black Sea until tomorrow morning after we pick up Deyan, because we are going to take him to do some pictures. NO sense in drudging into the cold, dreary nearing darkness to the cold water if we are doing it tomorrow! Dinner will be at the hotel most likely, which is okay with me because they have wifi in the lobby, but not in the rooms.

I am taking as much vitamin c as I can absorb, I have a scratchy feeling in my ears and the back of my throat. Hopefully vitamins and rest will take care of it; I felt perfect when I woke up this morning, opposed to how I felt going to sleep, which is pretty close to how I feel now. Suck it up and be a trooper, I hear Emily telling me that as she’s reading this, so I will do just that J

A day of mishaps ending with a beer and Milka chocolate in Sofia--by Marie

2011-12-07T14:37:00.000-05:00

Greetings from Sofia!
Today may have been the longest day. Ever. Seriously.

8 hour flight from Atlanta to Rome, in which we all had our own rows. ^^ see above for my sweet set up :)

After a quick pass through customs and immigration (a glance at dad's passport and mine was pushed back at me without looking at the picture) we headed to a bathroom and a cafe-mart for h20. I opened mine right away and drank about half before the man communicated to us that his credit card machine was not working. OHHHHH CRAP. Luckily, James had 2 euros, almost the exact cost of water bottle, and we were on our way to get train tickets into the city. The wonderful man selling the tickets said that James was not 12, as we tried to say because we thought 12 and under ride for free, but rather 11 which is the "free" age. We were then scolded on the train for not validating our ticket, being told "This is Italy. You get fined 50 euros without validation next time." Okay, okay, sorry, stupid Americans over here! My wonderful papa got us tickets to the Colosseum. I didn't get to go into the Colosseum on either of my Rome trips in the past so I was THRILLED to be able to tour this. Along with the Colosseum the ticket also gained us access to the open air museum that I could have spent an entire week walking through. Unfortunately we only had 2 hours. (Pictures to come..when I'm not so tired!!) We dined in an authentic Italian bistro. I had . a margarita pizza (YUMMY), papa got a ground meat stuff cannelloni and James had spaghetti with fresh tomatoes and basil.

Here come the mishaps...Because we were only in Italy for a few hours papa only got out a small amount of cash, to reduce loss of funds in conversion. We checked 2 bags in the train station so we didn't have to lug around bags (and scream TOURIST). Baggage place only took cash, as did the ticket kiosks. We missed the first train back to the station; papa went to get us tickets while James and I waited with the bags. Jumped on the train and hustled to the security line. Of course, we were in the LONGEST line ever; what seemed to be the newest and untrained workers mixed with the oldest and slowest moving people. Crunch time--20 mins before plane departs and we hustle to G gate. Check the board and we have been switched to H gate. Which is all good and well except for some odd reason we had to go through a second security check to get to the H gate. Papa tried to get us to the front of the line; he was told to go back and wait. In Stolz family English that means "push to the front, ignore nasty stares and comments in Italian." James and I ran ahead to the gate; luckily we weren't the only ones thrown for a loop with the gate change and we made our flight.

Ushered through customs and immigration quickly and met our helper. She was friendly enough and we got to the van quickly. From there we spent about 20 mins in traffic before making it to the hotel. The stupid WIFI won't work on my Ipod, which really makes me mad (I miss my husband!) but we got a cab to the Happy Grill and we were made happy. :) A $2 USD cab ride got us there and the 2 large beers each and delish food (not to mention working WIFI) made for a tolerable, even pleasurable walk to the hotel. It is about 1.5 miles to the hotel and we stopped at a quick mart for Milka (the best chocolate ever), beer and coke and fanta.

A much needed shower and chat with mama and we are ready to hit the sack to prepare for another long traveling day tomorrow! Deyan, here we come, little guy! :)

Rome or bust!!

2011-12-06T14:15:00.000-05:00

We made it to Atlanta with no mishaps, other than my iPod Internet access is being stupid. Oh well. Sitting in the Delta Crown Room with an adult beverage and plate 'o crackers with hummus from a tube. Can't really complain :) James got stuck next to a woman with an infant and toddler on our way to ATL. Mother of said children thought the rules of staying seated while taxing applied to everyone but her. However, she quickly was scolded, over the intercom, and sat back down. Her infant was crying while we waited 10 mins for our gate to open, which made me think of the hopefully quiet and uneventful trip back home. Rumor has it, the flight to Rome is fairly empty so I am hoping for an open section of seats so I can stretch out. However, anyone who knows me knows I can sleep anywhere and in just about any conditions so bring it on! We'll see how I feel about that statement in about 5 hours, though. Still need to plan our 7 hour lay over in Rome; beach and ruins close to the airport seem the least stressful. As long as I can get coffee I am game for anything. We arrive in Rome at 7:30am local time (1:30am est) and depart at 2:20pm Rome time, arrive in Sofia at 5:05pm. Already missing everyone but I am so excited to be getting closer and closer to getting the boys!

More to come!

And They're Off....well, almost

2011-12-05T23:06:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow Jim, James and Marie leave for Bulgaria to bring Christopher Martin and Deyan back home. I really wish I were going, but this time, I will be home with Matt, Joey, and Jacob, ably assisted by Emily, as we wait for our family to be whole.
I've asked Marie to blog here for me, for a woman's perspective on the activities surrounding the pick up trip, so be sure to check in often, and leave her feedback and thoughts.
I think they are all packed. I think we have everything covered. But even if not, it will all work out.
Bye, guys....hurry home....be safe.....I love you all!

Mary

TRAVEL DATES

2011-11-24T11:20:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all! We awoke this morning to a wonderful email from Toni, our attorney/facilitator in Bulgaria. She has the coveted court document in hand (well, it is at the birth certificate office to allow processing of the new birth certificates, but she had to take it there, so she HAD it!) and we can book our travel to pick up our boys!

Jim, along with our daughter Marie and son James, are flying out on December 6. They will arrive in Bulgaria on Dec 7, overnight in Sofia one night, then head to Burgas (on the sea) on the Dec 8. It is a 6-8 hour car ride, so they will overnight in Burgas that night, pick up Deyan in the morning of Dec. 9, and head back to Sofia. They will have just Deyan over the weekend, but then bright and early Monday morning, Jim will go to Blagoevgrad to pick up Christopher Martin (we are still discussing what we will actually call him... I vote Christopher, but Jim likes "Martin".) and back to Sofia. They will all go to apply for passports on Monday by 1pm. No pressing business (we hope) to attend to on Tuesday. Wednesday, the passports should be ready and Thursday in the morning is mandatory physicals for the boys, and in the afternoon, the visa interview.
Friday, the visa's should be issued and returned to them, and early Saturday morning, they will be on their way home!
In 23 days, I will be holding my boys again!

We have much to be Thankful for this year, including the addition of two new family members!

Mary

WE ARE PARENTS (again)

2011-11-18T09:27:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday morning, November 15, we received the great news that our adoption petition was granted in the Bulgarian Courts! We are now the parents of two more boys.
Christopher Martin Stolz, age 7 years 2 months and Deyan Emmanuel Stolz, age 5 years 10 months.
Welcome to our family, boys. We can't wait to get you home.

At this point, we wait 7 days for the court order to be in effect. It is usually released on the 8th day (Wednesday, Nov 23). After she has that document, correctly signed and stamped, in her hands, we can make trip arrangements for the pick up trip. We are expecting 1-3 weeks after the pick up, for that to happen. Of course, we prefer it to be as soon as possible.

We are just so happy to have progressed to this point.

We are coming boys....one step at a time!

Mary

COURT DATE

2011-10-28T10:42:00.000-04:00

We just found out we have an assigned court date!
November 15, 10 AM Bulgaria time, the judge will hear our case.
I'm so excited.
We are coming as soon as we can, boys.

Mary

Mid October update

2011-10-21T11:52:00.002-04:00

We got wonderful news from our Attorney yesterday, that our 2nd stage dossier should have the needed signatures completed by the end of this week. That would be today. We are praying that is the case. After that, it will be forwarded to the courts for assignment to a judge, and that judge assigns a date and time for the hearing. There has been a backlog in that process from the summer holiday, but it seems to be clearing up now, so we are hoping that court will be scheduled within the next couple of weeks.

A very good "e-friend" was able to visit briefly with Christopher (Martin) a week ago, and both she and our attorney said he looks great. The sores on his face are gone, he is walking steadily, he has been moved to a "higher functioning" group and is now feeding himself. We are so excited to hear of the growth of our little boy, especially the part of him not causing harm to himself any more. We believed while we were there that this was caused by boredom, and caretakers also said he only did this when he was left alone. So, maybe now, he has more interaction and can develop.

Can't wait to get these guys home!

Mary

More Waiting

2011-10-04T20:59:00.000-04:00

I got word today that the Article 5 letters, translated and authenticated, have made it to the MOJ, and now another waiting period begins. Current estimates are 30 days for the final signatures required on our stage 2 dossier documents before it can be transferred to the court system for a hearing. It looks like, right now, it is taking about 20 days from that point until the court hearing is conducted (assuming, of course, that all necessary paperwork has arrived, on time, to the judge, and the judge does not need any additional paperwork!) then 10 days after that, we should be able to be bringing our boys HOME. So, right now, OUR best guess is the beginning of December. That is OUR best guess. Nothing official. We are praying that the required signatures can be expedited somehow, since Deyan's condition is fragile. We understand that the only adoptions being processed right now are for children with severe special needs, but we also know that some needs require more immediate attention, and we hope that the MOJ can see that as well.

One step at a time....

Working our Way Through the Process

2011-09-27T17:56:00.000-04:00

Our Article 5 Letters were picked up last week, translated and delivered to the authenticator. This week on Thursday, they should be ready to be delivered to the MOJ to await the final signature(s)? that we need, then onto court for scheduling.
Here's hoping and praying for no delay in signatures or court scheduling.

The books we ordered have shipped, so they should go over soon with Linda, another adoptive mom going on her first trip to meet her daughters.

And yesterday and today, Jim and I had our physicals updated. Those forms will be notarized and authenticated this week, so they too can make their way across the pond before our court date.

One step at a time......

Mary

Photo Book

2011-09-25T20:06:00.001-04:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

Photo Book

2011-09-25T20:05:00.001-04:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

Visa Interview...check

2011-09-19T14:21:00.000-04:00

I just got word from our Toni that the visa inteveiw went well, and we should have the Article 5 letter sometime tomorrow! YES!

The concerns the Embassy staff had were related to the additional diagnosis that were added to Christopher Martin's info. Toni said she had to give 2 "lectures" one in Bulgarian and one in English to explain the conditions, and that the letter from the MOJ indicated that he did NOT have these conditions, and was in "better shape" for it.
I'm so relieved.
Now, we wait to hear that the Article 5 letter has been released and is on its way to translation and authentication.
One step at a time.

Mary

Bulgaria 101

2011-09-16T21:10:00.000-04:00

Papa wrote a wonderful cultural update on our Bulgarian experience. Be sure to pop over and take a peek...leave a note if you enjoyed it!

www.apapasstory.blogspot.com

Mary

Progress Report

2011-09-16T11:29:00.000-04:00

I stalked the National Visa Center last week, and the beginning of this week, to find out when exactly the package would be forwarded to Bulgaria to the Embassy. On Monday, they said I could call back on Friday to check and see if they had processed it yet. Then, Tuesday morning I awoke to an email from Toni that the Embassy had called her and our paperwork is there. YIPEE!!!!
The visa appointment is for Monday, Sept 19 at 2PM Bulgarian time. Toni said they requested that SHE personally come, and that she not send an associate to complete the inteverview. She is not sure why this request was made, but told me that they do go over everything very carefully.
We know that there was an error in Martin's physical paperwork update. In it, they stated that in addition to him having Down syndrome (Trisomy 21), he also had Edward's syndrome and Patau's syndrome (Trisomy 18 and 13). This is impossible, as each of these syndromes, independently, have much shorter life expectancy, if the child even lives to birth. To have all three, well, it is just not possible. We caught this while we were in Bulgaria visiting, and I questioned it. We talked about the best way to handle the situation, and it was decided that a correction should be made to the official diagnostic letter.
The orphanage made arrangements for Martin to be seen and evaluated in Sofia, which was accomlished (which means he got to ride in a car! YIPPEEE Martin...while we were there, that was his biggest desire..to go in a car!) and a letter correcting the diagnosis was written, filed with the MOJ, and Toni says the Embassy has a copy of it by now.
We HOPE that was the concern that they want to talk to Toni about in person.

After the Visa interview, the Article 5 letter is released (usually the next day), then it gets sent for translation/authentication. We are hopeful that we will be in line for the final MOJ signatures by the last week of September. At that point, everything is submitted to the courts, and we wait for our judicial assignment and date!

Moving right along...maybe at a snail's pace, but still, moving along.

Mary

Some Progress...yay

2011-09-06T20:31:00.000-04:00

Today we got word that we have provisional approval for our I800. I finally feel like I am beginning to understand this convoluted process. We got the approvals in the mail, but those are really just for our records. USCIS sends them on to the NVC (National Visa Center) which "processes" them--whatever that means---and notifies the Embassy in Bulgaria that the provisional approval has been issued.
Well, for at least ONE of the boys, the Embassy in Bulgaria will be notified. For the other one, with a decidedly
"Bulgarian" name, the Embassy in the People's Republic of China will be notified! Ooops!
A quick phone call, the correction was made, and emails sent out to notify the NVC that another document was just issued. Hopefully they get that one.

We are hoping that the NVC will get the clearances to the Embassy by the end of this week, and the Visa Interview can be done next week, with a prompt issuance of the Article 5 letter. Once that is obtained, it is translated and authenticated, and must be signed off on one more time by the MOJ, then court can be scheduled.

We are fervently praying that this process with go smoothly, without glitches, and the courts will assign dates quickly. There are rumors that court dates are being delayed, but we know God can overcome any rumor! We have full confidence in the good will of the MOJ and courts in Bulgaria to do what is in the best interest of the children depending upon them. "Systems" may not care, but we know people do!

We are still hopeful that our boys will be home this year, enjoying Christmas with us!

Mary

Screech day 5, only visit :(

2011-07-29T11:56:00.001-04:00

Our visiting with our boys is done. I'm very, very sad about that. But, I'm trying to concentrate on the fact that this means we can start moving forward with the next portion of our adoption as soon as we get home. I'm ready.
We got up, finished packing and showering, took the bags to the car, then had breakfast. Then, off to the orphanage.
When they brought Screech down, for the first time, he really looked excited to see us, and ran RIGHT to Jim. We stopped long enough to get a couple of family pictures, our first with Screech...we realized last night that we had not taken a picture of all three of us.
Then we went off to the playground. There was a group of children already there, so we blew up the beach balls that we had brought and gave them to the kids to play with. However, once again, the big draw were the trucks. I was allowed to hold Screech for a short time while we watched the trucks, today.
After a short time, Screech seemed to want to be away from the other kids, who were understandably drawn to what we were doing with him. So, we walked up the steps, played in that general area for a while, then the thunder started.
The other kids returned to the orphanage before the rain started, but we had another 20 minutes of time with Screech, and did not want to take him in early! The rain started, and we took cover under the building overhang, keeping mostly dry. It was very nice. Then, the caretaker showed up, and ushered us in the building.
WE had to say goodbye, quickly, and without having told Screech that we have to leave, but we will be back for him. I KNOW he would have at least understood that we would not be back this afternoon, if we had been able to tell him this. I feel terrible! Again, another first for today, when we handed him over to the caretaker, he tried to get free and come with us....he is JUST starting to show some preference for us and we have to leave him!
We got in the car, and drove away from our son's orphanage. SO HARD TO DO. Hang in there, Screech, we will be back for you ASAP!

On the way back to Sofia, we took a short detour to drop off Toni's aunt who is spending the weekend in her summer village. We were priveleged to be invited in for a snack of FRESH fruit (as is, they picked them from the tree, washed them off, and set them on the table....total time from picking to my mouth....5 minutes max!) We have never enjoyed cherries and apricots so much. They bagged more for us for our trip, and we were on the way again.

Toni dropped us off at the hotel in Sofia, and we said our tearful goodbyes. A taxi will pick us up EARLY tomorrow morning to take us to the airport. We walked to the downtown area, found a Starbucks, stopped at a "Happy Bar and Grill" for some GREAT chicken with spinach kabobs, and returned to the room. We may go to the restaurant in the hotel for some salad or dessert, then turn in early tonight.

Be sure to check out the photo's on Jim's blog.
Next update....from home.

Mary

2nd to last visit

2011-07-28T14:25:00.000-04:00

I can't put it off any longer. I must post. I'm very sad about having to leave Screech. But, it is a different sad than leaving Dido. I really feel that Screech will be ok while we are gone. I want him to KNOW we will return, but he will not be able to KNOW that, so we will tell him and trust that God will fill in the blanks for him. Dido, I'm HOPING he will be ok, and praying that God will take care of him.

Today's visit, as each successive one, was the best ever. There was a lot of digging, boy "construction" (read...destruction) going on behind the orphanage playground. PERFECT for little (and big) boys. I, apparently, am NOT proper contstruction viewing parentage, as Screech CLEARLY, EMPHATICALLY preferred papa to help him oversee the work being done. I was relegated to photographer. I was wearing a skirt...what can I expect......

There was lots of dirt, machinery, noise, all manner of manly things going on, and I clearly was out of that picture. But I surely enjoyed the view of my two guys supervising.

I did get to talk to the doctor about some diagnosis that appear on Screech's official referral (for the record, he DOES NOT have trisomy 18 AND trisomy 13, in addition to trisomy 21!). And we got to feed him part of his lunch, which he was not particularly fond of. Make sure you view the photos and videos here.

Afternoon visit was more of the same, with some tree pod pulling thrown in. I can't believe that tomorrow morning, our visits will be done. I hope we can make it back here soon to get these guys.

After the morning visit, we will return to Sofia, without a break to blog, so the next update will be tomorrow evening, Bulgaria time.

Mary

Day 3 Screech Visit 1

2011-07-27T05:30:00.000-04:00

Yesterday afternoon's visit was better than yesterday morning's visit and this morning was better yet. The only things that we see that are no better are his self inflicted wounds, that seem to be worse with each visit. With us, he is not very self abusive, but when we come back, there is evidence of increasing difficulty. Yesterday, at the end of the afternoon visit, we waited about 10 minutes for the caretaker to come down to get him. During that wait, it was lightly raining, so we had to be inside. He did not want to be inside, and wanted to get back to his room, but we had to wait. Screech was not happy, and certainly did not like being told "no". But during this little "fit", he did not hit himself. I don't think this is in response to being told no, but perhaps boredom, or frustration with communication.

Toni told us last night that they said he was clearly looking forward to our visits and was excited about the new clothes we brought him and understood when they put it on him that we were coming back. WOW. What a leap! And I'm so excited that he really wants to see us.

Today, his face looked worse from self abuse. His lips are involved, and his hand has new open sores. :(
But he was happy to see us. We took him to the playground, and he was calm with us. He wanted more lotion rubbed onto his arms and legs, and the nubby ball rolled over his skin. Then a group of children came out. We had blown up a beach ball, but Screech didn't want to play with it. The other children were very happy to see it. We wanted to see what Screech did with all of these children. He wanted to stay with us, burying closely into Jim and holding Jim's arm closer around himself, all the while watching the children play. THe children came over from time to time, to be shooed away by the caretaker.
Then another group of children joined the group, and that caretaker was obviously one that Screech knows and likes. He wanted to go with her. We still had 30 minutes of visit left, and we are unwilling to give that up, but I am very happy that he has someone who likes him and who he likes to be here with him until we can get back to get him.
The groups soon returned to the orphanage, giving us a little more quiet time before returning Screech to the orphanage. I'm very sad, again, at the thought of leaving him.

Not sure if Jim will update photos now or wait until after our 2nd visit.

Mary

Screech day2, visit 1

2011-07-26T07:22:00.000-04:00

Our visit with Screech went very well this morning. We spoke briefly with the social worker, then he was brought out and we were allowed to be with him outside. We took him back to the dismal playground of yesterday, but then noticed that just beyond that was another, slightly less dismal playground. There is where we spent our time.
A slide provided some entertainment, mostly going up and down the steps. A small gazebo with very low benches gives more places to climb over and back, and then Jim decided to try some music on his phone.
That was a hit. We saw more of his personality coming out and he truly starts to "sing". I caught some adorable facial expressions on video! Be sure to check them out here.
Too soon it was time to return him to the staff. This afternoon, we plan on taking the Ipad and hopefully music and video on there will be a hit with Screech.

Mary

Blagoevgrad

2011-07-25T08:02:00.001-04:00

I can now say this city...as in I can actually pronounce it. It has taken me months of calling it "Blago", with all of the US connotations associated with it. But, I can now pronounce Blagoevgrad!
Blagoevgrad is a small, college town in the mountains. I love it here. I'm not a sandy-beachy type of person, but I do love being in the mountains. We arrived yesterday, had a wonderful dinner with new friends Jim made of 2 professors at the American University here, along with Toni, Martin (Toni's brother, and our incredibly adept driver) and Slavka, Toni's aunt. Marcus and Savina, our new Professor friends, have offered to find a student or two at the university who would be willing to donate their time to start teaching "Matt" some English. More than that, we want him to be loved, hugged, cuddled and played with.

Our first visit was this morning. The orphanage is up further in the mountains, on roads that are clearly waiting to be repaved. WE first met with the social worker and then the doctor came to tell us about Screech. He comes from a good pedigree, they said, where his parents are teachers and a grandmother is a nurse. He is a good boy, and we will be happy with him. He has a scratch on his face, that we should not worry about. He did it to himself, but he is not "auto aggressive" . He loves music and is "singing" some. He LOVES to go outside, and likes to be held.......

Then they brought him in. He is walking well independently, but does like to take your hand. He let both of use hold him. They took us to a small room in the basement where we will have our meetings, and the social worker will observe and make notes. IT is a small room. We played a little ball, picked him up and set him down, got out what toys we had brought and went through most of what they had there. IN the end, he was very intent on working on gross motor skills, and enjoyed a game of stepping up on a small chair, over the back of the chair onto the bed, and then reversing course. When this gets old, he does it backwards! He is a determined young man,, a man on a mission, and his mission right now is improving climbing ability.

He is a great addition to our family, and I can't wait to get him home with Dido! (Who may become "Scooter" for obvious reasons).

Be sure to check out the photos and videos here.

Off to our 2nd visit for the day.
Mary

Friday's Visit

2011-07-23T10:16:00.000-04:00

I just can't put this off any more.
It was an incredibly hard visit. As usual, Dido wanted to be with Jim more for the morning visit, but I did get some great snuggles in, too. The director met with us before they brought him down, assured us that they will continue to take good care of him, and feed him the supplemental food that we have provided. We bought enough for 101 days, so we have a tangible goal to shoot for to get back here BEFORE he runs out of it. I don't know if it is possible, but we are sure going to be putting all effort into making it happen!
Toni left after our meeting with the director to head back to Sofia, but we stayed for our entire visit plus with him. They brought us his lunch so we go to feed him again before we left. He was very tired by the end of lunch, and we simply could not delay any further. (The social worker popped her head in the door asking if everything was ok, if we were ready to take him back to his room. NO, we are not ready, but we knew we needed to...sometimes I HATE being a grown up.)
We took a taxi to the train station then walked to the beach. Jim wanted to get in the Black Sea one more time. I'm not a sand lover, so we needed to find someplace that I could sit enjoying a Coke-Lite while he swam. That place turned out to be 2-3 km down the road. We took a taxi back to the train station, and that driver turned out to be a gem...a former professional fisherman, had never "seen a real, live American!" and had some great suggestions for visiting while in Bulgaria. He refused most of the tip that Jim tried to give him!

We wandered the train station in search of edible food to bring with us on the train, then tried to board. We were turned away, although there were other people, a group of young people, boarding our car. We were concerned that we would have no place to put our luggage, but the person (someone who worked for the train..I"m not sure of her title) INSISTED that we wait. Finally, she showed us to another car, not our assigned car or seats. We followed her. It seems that she put the entire large group of young people in one car, and put us in another car, presumably a much quieter car. Thank you, "train lady".

The train ride was fine...the window in our compartment kept floating up, but if we held it down, we got plenty of fresh air. I like train travel. The rocking sends me to sleep, and the seats are MUCH more comfortable than airline travel.

Toni had arranged for an English speaking driver to meet us at the train station and take us to the hotel. He works for the hotel, and when he is not a driver (Most of the time, I assume), he is the hotel's IT manager. He was called in when we could not use the internet on our floor!

Quiet evening of dinner at the hotel restaurant, which was delish, skyping with the kids, and bedtime.

This morning, we were up for a hotel breakfast then met the driver to go to the cemetery where Jordan/Jacob/Henry is buried. I'm still processing that. His grave has been visited recently.

We did some tourist stuff in Shumen, and now will get an early bedtime for a 9 am train to Sofia, then 3 hour drive to Blagoevgrad.

Check with Jim's blog for photos/videos.

Mary

Part 2 Day 4 Derrick's visit

2011-07-21T14:48:00.000-04:00

Our afternoon visit went about like the others. We picked Derrick up from his room. He was still in his crib from his nap, but he was awake. They changed him into the cute Cincinnati Reds outfit we brought for him. I brought other outfits, but they are too small, so we will just donate them. I'm glad they are too small.
We visited in the large play room, and we did manage to get one short video of him scooting. We may have a "Scooter" and a "Screech" on our hands!
Most of the time, he was very content to sit with us, allowing me to rub his feet and legs, and play with his green, nubby ball that lights up. We put him in the ball pit for a bit, but he was not much into it. All too soon, again, our visiting time was up, and we returned him to his room. I have been crying all day today in anticipation of tomorrow.

Back to the beach for dinner, for our last night. Besides visiting our new son, that has been the best part of the trip so far. Such a great way to end each and every day.

A small hiccup in checking out of the hotel in preparation for leaving tomorrow. They have it down that we used a bottle of mineral water from the "mini bar" (fridge in the room). We NEVER use the food in the room, we ALWAYS go get our own. We refused to pay for it. They didn't like that at all. Too bad. Lesson learned. From now on, when checking in to a hotel with a minibar, we will ask them to please remove all items from the minibar before we enter the room, and note that we will not be requiring anything be restocked. We don't use these things.

Tomorrow, I'm not sure when we will be able to post. We will leave the hotel a little earlier than usual to give us time to pick up the extra food we are supplying for Derrrick before heading to the orphanage for our last visit. We will have our morning visit, then have a couple of hours to kill before the train leaves for Shumen. But, we will have already checked out of the hotel, so we will be wandering until we get to the train station. We have told Toni to leave for the trip back to Sofia as soon as we are at the orphanage, not to wait for us. No need for them to be delayed any more than necessary on that 6+ hour drive.

As always, check Jim's blog for photos.

Mary

Day 4 Derrick visits

2011-07-21T08:22:00.000-04:00

I have to spread this out. I cannot bear the thought that we have only 2 more visits with Derrick before we must leave him for months.
This morning his personal physician came in to talk to us and give us detailed explanations of his medical history. It is pretty much the same as the written report we received, but he did say that he has a murmur that they consider "functional", and not in need of treatment. They did not do a chromosomal analysis on him, but diagnose Down syndrome based on physical signs. I'm sure he has Down syndrome. When we asked about his large belly, we were told it was due to Down syndrome. He was a very nice man, warm, welcoming and very positive about Derrick doing well in a family. I promised to send photos/videos of him feeding himself and walking.

We went outside where the wind kept us cool. He likes to just "be", to sit with us, chewing on the little ball we bring, allowing us to touch and massage his hands and arms, cuddling in from time to time, etc... He is just content. I LOVE IT. It is going to be so hard to say good-bye.

We took him back in and the staff had put his lunch in the room for us to feed him. We didn't even ask. I'm honored that they will allow us this time together to really start bonding with him. Did I mention how hard it is to think about leaving him?

Back to the hotel for Jim to work, then off to find lunch and a place to buy his additional snacks for while we are gone. We will leave in a few minutes for our 2nd visit of the day.

Until later...

Mary

Day 3 Derrick Visit

2011-07-20T14:49:00.001-04:00

Today was our 3^rd visit. Only 1 ½ days left of being with Derrik before we have to leave. I’m so sad about that already.

We got to the orphanage and took him outside first thing. We arrive around 10am, and if we don’t go out right then, it is too hot soon. There are lots of kids here, and a number of playgrounds from which to choose. We are permitted to be on any of them, along with whatever groups of children are already there. It Is very nice.

We mostly sat in the shade, playing with the spikey ball, watching other children play, and feeding Derrick his formula pudding/yoghurt. (I’m not really sure what it is, but I can definitely smell the fruit) He needed a change so we headed inside. Derrick was freshened and the director offered to take us on a tour of the orphanage.

This is the 5^th orphanage that we have seen, (3 in Ukraine, and 1 in Serbia). This place is by far, the best orphanage I have seen. It is fairly large, and one entire floor is for special needs children. The rooms are bright, colorful, decorated, plenty of toys both for decoration and in use, and they are well furnished. The children are clean, well fed, and seem happy. Every door was opened and we were invited to come in and see the children. We were walking through at lunch time. One room had 3 children with physical disabilities. They were each seated in a special seat (that fit THAT child), and each was being fed by a separate caretaker, who was looking at the child and talking to the child while feeding them. There is air conditioning, so the rooms are not overly warm. There are nurses and doctors in the orphanage at all times. I was very much impressed.

We toured a speech room, a music room, and art room, and a sensory room that was phenomenal. They have a toy library, well stocked, with explanations in English and Bulgarian for what purposes the toys can serve, and suggestions for extended use/therapeutic use of the toys. Then they have the large playroom that we have been visiting in the afternoon in. We toured all of the floors, and universally, the children were clean, well fed, and seemed happy. The director was proud of the fact that the children there do not want for hugs and kisses, but readily admits that it is not a family and a family is the best place.

We fed Derrick his lunch, but it was late by the time our tour was completed, and he was very tired, plus the fact that we gave him that snack, he didn’t eat it all. I think one of those a day will suffice. The director has agreed to make sure he gets that as a supplement if we supply it. We returned him to his room, and he was just about asleep by the time we got up there.

We were dropped off at a McD’s for lunch, where Jim tried the McShrimp. We then walked to the local mall, a 20 minute walk. Found a Starbucks there, so Jim was happy. We walked in the air conditioning and looked at lots of stuff, so I was happy. Then got a cab back to the hotel in time to jump in the indoor pool before heading back to the orphanage.

The afternoon visit was WAY too fast. Back in the large playroom, Derrick is just so calm. He preferred to be with papa this morning, but this afternoon he showed a definite preference for me. I sat and massaged his feet and legs, arms, and occasionally his belly. He is very good at letting you know what he likes and does not. We had told the director that he felt warm in the afternoon for 2 days, and has a rattley cough. The doctor came in to examine him while we were there, and pronounced his lungs clear. Then she looked at his throat, a procedure that he definitely did not like! He cried real tears. My mama heart just melted. He calmed quickly, and we had to return him at 5:30. Jim has pictures…..

www.apapasstory.blogspot.com

Dinner back at the same place on the beach. When something is good, you don’t change it. We have 3 more visits with Derrick. We are trying to get things lined up to complete the 2^nd part of the procedure as fast as possible to get him home.

I got a question about swallowing….I have not heard or felt him swallow his food much at all. He does not seem to hold it in his mouth, and he definitely WANTS to eat. Some comes out with each bite that goes in, and it gets pretty watery, pretty fast. It seems that the food just “slides” down his throat without him swallowing. He does have a pretty large tongue, with a fairly significant tongue thrust, but I have never dealt with a kid who I didn’t hear swallow his food.

He really was cuddling in to both Jim and me today, More eye contact. He closes one eye from time to time, in a classic “Popeye” look, we believe to focus on something. All we know for sure is that we are head over heals in love with this little boy and we need to get him home as soon as possible.

Until tomorrow….

Mary

Day 2 Derrick Visits

2011-07-19T16:17:00.002-04:00

Up bright and early (ok, not so bright and early, but met Toni and company for breakfast at 9:15am) and off for day 2 of visiting Derrick. We took him outside and walked around for a bit, then it started getting hot, so we came in and I got to feed him lunch. It is such a pleasure working with this group of people, from our wonderful facilitator/translator, to this caring orphanage. They really want to make sure we get to see and do as much as we can with him.

We did give him some chocolate pudding while outside (they said we could bring snack for him). He tends to bite the spoon rather than use his lips to remove the food from the spoon. But, our fantastic OT has taught me well, and a couple of bites later, with some firm pressure on his tongue and waiting for lips to close, he was doing better. We gave him about 1/3 of the pudding cup, not wanting to give him too much, since it is chocolate, pudding (sweets), and in the heat. He would have eaten the entire cup, I am sure.

Lunch went well. They showed me how they feed him, and I fed him his entire lunch. He didn’t drink his slightly thickened broth, and I think he has trouble with liquids. The thicker “stew” went very well. I don’t see him swallowing, though, and that concerns me. Any OT’s or ST’s out there with any suggestions?

Derrick’s nap time….sounded good. We came back to the hotel, Jim attempted to do some work, but his radio equipment is not working right. I walked to the shopping area to pick up lunch fixins’. We ate, he gave up on his work, and we decided to nap as well. Quite refreshing.

The afternoon visit was back in the large play room. While looking for lunch items for us, I found some babyfood something that looked like a cross between pudding and youghurt, fruit flavored. I got some to take as snacks for him. When I got back to the room and really looked, each 100gm container has 430 calories! Talk about packing a punch. I took one with us, and he gobbled it up. Toni says it is made with formula. Our plan is to ask if we provide it, will they supplement his diet with one per day. Adding 430 calories per day to his intake should help get some weight on him!

Each visit he gets more and more comfortable with us. He loves the playroom. He can be down on the floor, and come to us or turn away as needed. He scooted over to me a couple of times and put his arms out to be picked up. He cuddled in a couple of times while I was carrying him, and touched me very gently, purposely, a few times. With Jim, he was giving great eye contact, and requesting foot and head rubs.

Again, go to Jim’s blog (www.apapasstory.blogspot.com) for photos.

After our visit, we went to the train station to buy our tickets to Shumen, to visit Jacob/Henry’s grave. Toni cannot accompany us there, which is fine. After our Friday morning visit, she will head back to Sofia, and we will go to Shumen, then train on to Sofia to meet her and go onto “Matt’s” city.

Dinner on the beach, again. Boy, this will be hard to leave! We eat in the same restaurant every night, because the food is great, the company is great, and the view is GREAT. I’m not a “beach person”, but I LOVE having dinner on the beach.

Until tomorrow……

Mary

Day 1 of visits

2011-07-18T16:15:00.000-04:00

Our day stared out great...getting our bags back relatively painlessly.
Then off to the orphanage. It is very close to our hotel, so the ride was very fast.
The place looked much like other orphanages, a large yard outside with ample, if outdated, play equipment. Outside we saw a few children, all seemed friendly, well fed, clean, and happy. The ratio of children to caregiver seemed to be about 2:1.

We went straight to the director's office, exchanged introductions, they asked for our passports to register us. The director was very warm and welcoming, a younger, very professional woman. We barely started to talk, when he was brought right into us. It really surprised us, me especially. Jim held his hands out and Derrik went immediately to him, but eye contact was non existent. They played the "clapping game", and over the next little bit, he really started looking at us.

They had us in a very nicely equipped, but smallish room, and Toni (our facilitator/translator) and the director sat in with us. We were oblivious. We didn't even try much with the toys they had in there, but he loved to play a clapping game, and with a little nubby, light up ball that I brought. He did not put that ball down.

As time went on (about an hour and a half visit total), he gave more and more eye contact. He can stand some, and walk with two handed support, but we held him the entire time. They asked if we wanted to take him outside. We figured that we should do that now, as this afternoon will probably be too hot. We had our choice of 3 stroller. The director helped us choose one, and out the door we went. He sat happily in the stroller, with his nubby ball, for our walk around the grounds. We did find some shade and played with him in the stroller, then all too soon, it was time to return him.

We asked a few questions, and obtained permission to bring food to him, and to feed him lunch tomorrow. We will be visiting twice a day from about 10ish to 11:30 ish---tomorrow a little longer so we can feed him---then about 4 to 5:30 ish. by 11:30, he was getting tired, but not fussy.

We went to the beach for the time between the visits, and besides the fact that I don't like sand, we had a great time.

Our afternoon visit was spent entirely in a special "sensory" room. There were mats on the floor, foam bolsters, mirrors on the wall, and a large ball pit/climber/slide. Plus, it was air conditioned!

For an hour and a half, we played quietly in this room. The time FLEW by. We have adopted before, and usually the visit times CRAWL by. It is great visiting with our new children, but finding things to entertain them, finding things to DO always proved to be a challenge. Most visits we left very tired. NOT with Derrik. He is very mellow, content to sit on our lap, play with the nubby ball, and communicate with us as to what he likes and does not. He loved his feet rubbed and tickled. He likes his hands to be played with. He loved his legs gently rubbed, then his arms. He was calm, he gave great eye contact, and we even had some smiles and giggles. I can't wait to see more of them!

Derrik is very small for his age. He is 5 1/2 years old. He weighs just under 20 lbs. His arms and legs are VERY skinny, VERY, VERY skinny. His belly is large. I'm concerned. We asked the director if he does not like to eat, or if there is not enough money to feed him. She said he was vomiting a lot, but lately, he has not been, and has started gaining some weight. I do know that I saw MANY other children, and NONE looked exceptionally small or skinny. Just Derrik. He really needs to be seen by US doctors, gastroenterology in particular. He had a runny nose, and it sounds like his adenoids need to be removed. By the end of our afternoon visit, he was feeling kind of warm, and Toni asked the staff to please take his temperature. I really hope he is not getting sick.

I know you all want to see photos. We have taken a ton of pictures and a few videos. The cord that we thought would work for both Jim's cell phone and our camera only works for the cell phone. So, everything in the camera will stay in the camera for now. I'm lobbying for stopping at an electronics store and looking for another cord. We also need another electrical adapter.

Jim did upload photos and a video, and they are posted on his blog. Hopefully in the next couple of days we will be able to put some on this blog. Until then.........you will have to look at Jim's blog.

After our visit, we went back to the beach for another fantastic dinner with our facilitation team. We are so blessed to be associated with them. They are truly wonderful.

I am very much looking forward to tomorrow's visits. And to getting this little guy home with us.

Thanks for following along. Enjoy the photos. Until tomorrow....

Mary

Today's (one of) the day(s)

2011-07-18T02:30:00.000-04:00

I am so excited that today, in just an hour, we will be holding "Derrick".
And, we got our luggage back! A red letter day for sure.

Last night, we had a lovely dinner, on the beach of the Black Sea, with wonderful new friends. After returning to our hotel, we took a walk in search of Diet Coke (Coke Light). Everything seems very convenient to our hotel.

This morning, we were up bright and early for breakfast and a run to the airport to pick up our luggage. I am sorely disappointed in our airline that they would not deliver it to our hotel, but we will deal with that later. Right now, we have showered, have just a couple of minutes for this update, and we are on our way to the orphanage to meet our son.

After our morning visit, we will return briefly to change, and then hit the beach. I hope we will have time to upload a few photos and post again before heading out. If not, much more to follow this evening!

I'm SO excited to meet him. This NEVER gets old!

Mary

We're BAAACKKKKKK!

2011-07-17T02:56:00.000-04:00

We made it to EE. Our bags did not. UGH.
Note to future travelers: Pack an extra pair of undies, deodarant, toothbrush, and perhaps a clean shirt in your carry on. We are experienced travelers. We KNOW this. We decided against it. We are sorry.

Flights were pretty good. As good as international travel in sardine class can be. I spent most of the overseas flight standing in the back chatting with other passengers. I just cannot sleep on the plane.
I continue with my fairly intense dislike of Paris and the airport there. A friend of mine, when I was lamenting on WHY DO WE CONTINUE THROUGH CDG when I really dislike Paris, commented: The only reason I love traveling through Paris is to get some yummy, fresh, croissants. Well, they were out! YES, out of croissants in the Paris airport. Well, ok, probably not in the ENTIRE airport, but I think going to and from EE, you are routed through terminal B, where there is ONE place to get something to eat, and THEY were out of fresh croissants. This was the same terminal that we were stuck in on our return trip with Joey...not a fun time to be had for all, I can assure you. I did make it VERY clear to Jim that when we come back for our two boys, I DO NOT WANT TO BE ROUTED THROUGH PARIS! (Our bags made it to Paris, we confirmed that. They didn't make it out of Paris.....)

We met our facilitator and driver, and Toni is just as warm and wonderful as everyone brags. We feel we are in very capable hands. They dropped us off at our hotel, and we were on our own...which is exactly what we wanted. We walked to the city center, wandered there a bit, then walked back and had a great dinner in the hotel. We crashed right after that, and slept very soundly all night.

This morning, we are to be met at 10:30 for our ROAD TRIP! We start this adoption on the Black Sea.
More from the beach.....

Mary

2 more days.....

2011-07-13T21:38:00.000-04:00

Not really, but I keep telling myself I have 2 more days to get all of this "stuff" done. Why do we always leave so much to the end? I really thought I was much better prepared this time......

Jacob had a sleep study last night and a scope of his airway this morning. The sleep study went pretty well, I think. They are not allowed to give me any "results", but I did find out they did not need to put any oxygen on, so that's a good sign. The scope went well, and although he still has severe tracheomalacia and laryngomalcia, there was some improvement where his lungs begin, so we are very happy. Progress, finally. The ENT will review the sleep study in conjunction with her findings of the scope and make follow up recommendations. Check that off my list of things to do. I think I have managed to have refills for all prescriptions here and ready to go so no one will run out of their meds. Check. Doctors have been notified that we will be out of town and older sibs will be in charge if anything needs to be done. Check.

We still have to pack, of course (that's what Friday morning is for...we leave the house about 9:30 am....plenty of time to get everything in suitcases!), but I do have piles of stuff to take here, there and everywhere.

I am trying to wrap up work stuff. Despite my best efforts, everything was not completed last week, and some things MUST be done before I leave.

We meet tomorrow to finalize schedules for child care for the kiddos here. And to notarize the permission for treatment.

Jim is taking much of his work with him...kinda cool to be able to travel half way around the world with a broadcast studio in your carry-on luggage. He will still be on the air from Eastern Europe. I will also take work with me, but writing MAR's is not NEARLY as exciting as broadcasting.

I'm so excited about meeting our two new sons. I'll try to post again before we go.
Mary

The Countdown Begins

2011-07-07T19:30:00.000-04:00

One week from tomorrow, we leave for eastern Europe. And one week from this coming Monday, we will meet one of our boys.
We have half completed checklists all over the house. And today is the first day that I have actually felt like we were running out of time to get things done. Of course, it doesn't help that yesterday I took on another client in my Delegated Nursing business!

I have been pretty busy working through medical issues with Jacob, Joey and Matt. Jake has had a GI scope in the past 2 weeks, and next week, he will have a sleep study and ENT will scope him. He continues to have stomach pain, and some behavioral concerns to match, but we are finding good support, finally, in getting to the bottom of these things. Joey has begun a series of treatments for an endocrine issue, and Matt continues with severe obstructive sleep apnea, and finding appropriate treatments for that. Jim has been doing the orthodontist runs with James.

I've done most of the shopping I had to do for our trip, and I have started making packing piles. I have a couple of other things to pick up. We are still arranging child care. The camps did not come through for us, so we have to make sure everyone here is taken care of.

So T-7 days......

Mary

Requiem Mass

2011-06-26T21:57:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow morning, at 7:15 Eastern, a Requiem Mass will be offered for our Jacob/Henry. Please join us in praying for him, grieving his loss, and rejoicing in his being with Jesus.

Travel Preparations

2011-06-23T16:16:00.000-04:00

The countdown has begun and we are preparing for travel. In 3 weeks and 1 day, we leave.
Still to be completed: get Matt, Jacob and Joey into Stepping Stones Camp. We got a postcard yesterday that none of them made it in, but it COULD be a mistake, which we are praying it is. They need to be actively involved in something like that while we are gone.
Still have to get James registered for his Camp experience. He is really looking forward to 2 weeks of sleep away camp, including some whitewater river rafting!
We got Jim a Kindle for father's day, so I will be looking at what books I'd like to download.
Work responsibilities, including possibly adding another, temporary work assignment.
Of course, the regular...cleaning, packing, etc.... before a trip.

I can't wait to meet these boys and am already very sad at the thought of then having to leave them.

Mary

Prayers for Camp

2011-06-08T16:24:00.002-04:00

Please pray that Jacob, Joey and Matt get into camp on the days necessary this summer, while we will be gone.
When I called a week ago, they said there were "plenty of openings" for every day.
Today, I got an email that said they didn't know if there were openings for any or all of them on the dates requested.
It would make our trip much less stressful if I knew they were all at camp, having a great time, together!

Mary

There are WHAT, WHERE?

2011-06-07T21:07:00.000-04:00

We are searching the internet for some translation phrases that we can begin to learn for our trip. We do have enough residual Russian and Ukrainian to help us get through, but learning a some key words in the local dialect is not only useful, but also respectful.
The main idea is "key".
One page had some "useful" phrases translated.
One such "useful" phrase was "My hovercraft is full of eels".

Still trying to picture the appropriate time to use THAT one!

Better order the CD of "helpful parent phrases".

Mary

Flights? Check!

2011-06-06T22:06:00.001-04:00

We are going to Eastern Europe!
Got the flights booked.
Making arrangements for camp for the kiddos here.
Notified work responsibilities of need for days off.
One step closer!

Mary

More Medical Updates on Jacob/Henry

2011-06-03T12:49:00.000-04:00

We received more information about the circumstances surrounding Jacob/Henry's death. I postulated earlier that a cause may have been refeeding syndrome, based on the information I was given at first. With the additional information we now have, it appears that this is not the case, but they were trying to treat him for severe malnutrition when he died.
It seems they performed surgery, and from what I can gather, his esophagus was narrowed. This is probably why they were performing surgery, to widen this. They did put a "tube" in, I assume a "g-tube" or a tube that goes straight into his stomach through which formula can be given, bypassing the esophagus.
An incision got infected, I believe from the report, peritonitis set in, and that was a major factor in his death.
It does not appear as if they ever got enough food into him to trigger a refeeding syndrome reaction, but they were treating him.
I did find out where he is buried and we plan on visiting his grave while we are in the country.

Mary

TRAVEL!

2011-06-03T11:47:00.000-04:00

YIPEE! We got our travel dates. We visit one of our new sons from July 18-22, and the other from July 25-29.
So, now, Jim gets to work his magic and find us the best airfare.

YIPEE!

Mary

Additional Information

2011-05-31T10:13:00.000-04:00

More information is trickling in and I wanted to pass it along here. I am so grateful to a complete stranger at an NGO in EE for tracking down information on Jacob/Henry and providing it to me. I continue to share it here in the hopes that some day, some where, it could help another child to live, and other families to continue to ask and get more information to help ensure the health of their children.

From the latest report, which included phone interviews with the EE doctors and a German specialist (I told you, this NGO is going way above and beyond to get me information), Jacob/Henry probably had esophageal strictures, and he had a problem with aspirating fluids. He should have had surgery shortly after birth. I don't know for how long this was known, so I will assume that it was not known (the strictures). When they did surgery to widen his esophagus, more problems developed, which is certainly a risk anywhere. One incision infected (noted in our report probably due to conditions in the hospital) and from there, everything went down hill.

What this points out to me, personally, in a very real way, is that information, specific medical information, needs to be shared with the medical profession in all EE countries. An attitude shift is underway, I'm sure slow in growing, but it is happening. But the medical advances we enjoy here need to be shared so needless deaths do not occur.

Stay tuned....

Mary

What Happened to "Jacob/Henry"

2011-05-30T22:12:00.000-04:00

Two posts in one evening!

After Jacob/Henry died, I was online looking for some answers, and I honestly can't remember how or where I found some NGO that works in his EE country. I emailed them about him, and they got back to me right away with some information, mostly about equipment (wheelchairs and the like) that can be rented for children in orphanages and institutions. They also said they would see if they could find out any information about his death.
Today, got another email from them:

Dear Mary,

As I asked the State Agency for Child Protection to inform me about the reasons for the death of Jacob/Henry they performed a check and replied to me two days ago. Currently the Agency implements a big project for deinstitutionalisation of the all children with disabilities from the instititutions. The needs assessment of all children was implemented in October 2010 and for certain children special measures were taken as they were at risk to die.

So the assessment estimated that Jacob/Henry is at risk and special menu and supervision was prescribed for him. There were obviously problems with the feeding of this child as he was hospitlised at Christmas 2010 for pneumonia which often happens with the bedridden children because they are not fed properly and food enters the lungs and stays there as they do not move. But in April 2011 Jacob/Henry was hospitalised because some stomach problems were diagnosed and the medical doctors decided to operate him. After the operation they started feeding him with a tube and not through the mouth. According to the documents air entered the stomach and this worsened the condition of the child and he died on 5 May 2011 at midnight. The official reason for the death is brain and lungs swelling as well as pneumonia. The informed consent for the operation was taken from the father of the child. So after the father was informed about the death he did not want to arrange the funeral himself and the municipality arranged it. The funeral took place in the city graveyard in (Jacob/Henry's city of residence).

According to the Agency a course for feeding and intensive interaction took place in the institution in April 2011 and Jacob/Henry was included in the list of the children who would be fed in a special way but the real work with him did not start as he was hospitalised.

From what I can gather from this, it seems that Jacob/Henry probably died from "refeeding" syndrome.

Now I'm on a mission.

Refeeding syndrome can occur when a person goes through a period of starvation...the period can be as short as 5 days...or as long as...well, I don't even want to go there.

Many changes happen in the body when it is starved, and reversing these changes must be done very carefully, slowly, and while watching fluid and electrolyte balances.

One of these days, I'll really learn how to embed links but until then, google "refeeding syndrome" for more information, and also see www.carringtonscourage.blogspot.com for another little one who went through this...only her outcome, thankfully, was much better. However, Ms. Carrington came dangerously close to Jacob/Henry's fate.

While waiting to travel, I am going to gather as much data as I can about refeeding syndrome, its causes, prevention and treatment, and hopefully will have a chance to share this information with the appropriate people so that this tragedy can be avoided in the future.

Mary

Support Changes

2011-05-30T21:48:00.000-04:00

Change is difficult. Growing pains are real. I know this, but it does not make it any easier to deal with.
For many years, since at least 1999, I have been active with Yahoogroups. I love the group idea. I am an owner of a couple of (inactive) groups, and a member of many, many more (too many) very active groups. I can and do moderate my membership in each of my groups depending upon what is going on in my life at the time, how much time I have to spend on the computer, and how much support I feel I need in any given area of my life. For me, they have been a lifesaver. I get wonderful ideas for handling difficulties, and have made a few real life friends. Right now, I have emails from groups about homeschooling, Catholic homeschooling, homeschooling children with Down syndrome, attachment difficulties, and I USED to have one for ReecesRainbow, both preadoption (since we are adopting again) and post adoption (since we have adopted through RR) . To say that these have been my lifeline (after my husband) is not an over exaggeration at all.

Last week an important announcement came through the RR yahoogroup. The group was closing, effective Friday, and everyone had to "move" to a "board" format. I signed up for the board, I've navigated around it, and I have heard that I can even sign up for all messages to be delivered to my email box. I signed up for that a few hours ago, but thus far, nothing.

I posted two comments about not caring for the format, but I don't think I need to belabor the point. I don't need to be 'convinced" how much better one format is over another. I like what I like, and don't like change.
Now, I know I should change what I can, and what I can't I can either live with or move on. The format of the support offered is not up to me; that decision is above my pay grade. And, after this, I won't whine any more about it, here. But, it is my blog and I figure I am entitled to one post about how much I don't like the change.

In the end it is up to me to either adapt to the change or move on. I really already miss the support I've received through the years. Change, indeed, is difficult.

Mary

Unique Opportunity and Life Update

2011-05-27T18:45:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I had a wonderful, unique opportunity when John McGee of "Gentle Teaching" fame visited our sons' school, and a special visit was made to observe and give input on Jacob's SIB (Self Injurious Behavior) and aggression. I was graciously invited to observe/participate and it was such a great insight building experience.

I'll back up some. Jacob, DS, age 11 was adopted a year and a half ago from Serbia where he spent the majority of his life in Kulina, a particularly horrible mental institution. He has ongoing behavioral challenges that include SIB, and aggression. We have been trying many things to manage this, including medication, psychological interventions, Sensory Integration intervention, bonding techniques, just everything we can come up with. We know his aggression and SIB increases when his stomach is feeling bad, and I have been hounding our GI department for over a year, with minimal success on that front. His negative behavior serves many purposes for him, so each purpose needs to be addressed. Last week was a particularly difficult week with medications not being correct, and he ended up on the psych unit of our local Children's Hospital over the weekend. His SIB right now is biting himself (He usually leaves bruises, sometimes breaks the skin) on the arm/shoulders, and pinching, hard, along his jaw/neck and arms. These frequently break the skin and almost always leave bruises. HIs aggression looks the same, with some added kicks thrown in.
During his hospital stay, his medication was adjusted, more sensory integration was started and he came home.

The assistant principal from the school called me yesterday to tell me that Mr McGee was scheduled to be at the school until noon, and that they wanted to have him meet with Jacob, Matt and Joey. I asked if I could also attend and of course, I was welcomed. Mr. McGee was a wonderful teacher, and demonstrated a gentle, loving touch to use with Jacob, emphasizing 100's of hugs a day (He kept saying "100 hugs, at least, per day...do these all day long) Now, his hugs include a gentle caress of Jacob's hand while quietly saying "good boy". His technique is very unique, and I would encourage anyone with a child with difficult behavior to explore his website. I think I am going to order some of his DVDs. We know these behaviors took years to come about and they will be years in extinguishing, but his respectful way seems to make sense to me.

The fact that this technique, complete with the personal meeting of Mr. McGee, was brought to us on the very day that we received the additional photos, the video and brief status update of "Derrick" was not a coincidence. In the status update there was a line that indicated that Derrick, too, can be aggressive and self-injurious. I think I will learn more of these techniques in our waiting time!

Mary

Video and Pictures

2011-05-27T17:58:00.000-04:00

More to come this evening, I hope, but in the mean time, enjoy these ADORABLE photos and the video of Derrick we were blessed to receive yesterday. I can't wait to get my hands on this guy!
Mary

More "Paper Babies"

2011-05-18T13:07:00.000-04:00

Jim has gone to Columbus to apostille another request to our chosen EE country. We are requesting permission to adopt "Matt" and "Derrick". I would post a photo of Derrick, but I don't know how, so that will have to wait until Jim is back from Columbus!

Deciding to proceed with the adoption of another child in addition to "Matt" was not too difficult. The very difficult part was deciding which child. As we reviewed all of the children available to us, saying "I like him" (we are staying with only boys) seemed to be saying "I don't like HIM" to another child. And, I don't like the feeling of "replacing" Jacob/Henry with a different child.

But, we are ready to turn Jacob/Henry's tragic death into a blessing for someone else. And Derrick is the child we have chosen.

More soon,

Mary

Dear "Jacob/Henry"

2011-05-17T19:35:00.000-04:00

Dear Jacob/Henry,

There are so many things I want you to know, so many things I had planned on teaching you, so many things I had planned on doing with you. First of all, I want you to know that you are loved, as you are, for who you are. God made you perfect, just the way you are, and we love you so much, just as you are. I am so sorry that I will never be able to hold you, to kiss you and hug you, to cuddle you and have you sleep in my arms, content with a full belly and an even fuller heart. I long for the first time you would have been able to really smile AT ME, to look into my eyes and let me know that you know you are loved. I so looked forward to the day of bringing you home, of introducing you first to your Eastern European brother, and finally to all of your brothers and sisters, who so looked forward to having you home with them. We have your bed, set up in our room, ready for you. Your big brothers have argued with me that you should be in their room with them, not in mom and dad's room! Your sisters have been busy picking toys and clothes. Your teachers and principal next year have been asking many questions about your, when will you be home, when will i be bringing you in for a visit, when can they first start to teach you?? Even the neighbors have been asking, anxiously awaiting your arrival to our family, knowing full well that you are in our family already.

Then the news came last Friday, the 13Th. I've never been superstitious, and I'm not going to start now, but still...

Shelley had the difficult task of telling me that you are now home with Jesus.
It is hard to be happy for you, when I'm so sad for me, and for all of us. But, I'm trying, I really am.

I am sorry for you, too, though. I'm SO SORRY that we were not there earlier for you. I'm SO SORRY that you lived in a place for more than 5 long years that was not "home". I'm SO SORRY that you were not able to experience a mama's cuddles, kisses on your cheek and forehead, a papa's scruffy beard on your face or a "Jacob/Henry Sandwich", with mama and papa as the bread and you as the filling. I'm SORRY that it has taken us so long from the time that we committed to bringing you into our family, that you literally could not wait that long. I'm SORRY you won't know Noodle the Doodle (our dog) licking you, or waiting for you to throw the ball so she could go get it. I'm SORRY you won't ever hear your new name, lovingly picked just for you, debated over and over again by all members of the family. I'm SORRY you won't be here for our fantastically overstimulating family Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Memorial Day, Labor Day, 4th of July, and birthday parties, with many aunts and uncles and cousins. I'm SORRY you spent so many days cold, hungry, alone in a crib, without a mother's love and attention.

My dear, darling Jacob/Henry, I rejoice that you are now at peace, and I pray that Our Blessed Mother gathers you into her arms and you will then know what I have longed to give you, that I cannot now. Be free, Jacob/Henry. Run, jump, and play, eat, eat, and eat more until you have your fill, and know that your waiting is over! Now it is the rest of us that must endure the wait until we can see you in Heaven!

We all love you, son. And always will.

Love,
Mama

No time for anything....

2011-05-16T20:18:00.000-04:00

Time is up.
Our dossier is in Jacob/Henry and "Matt's" country, has been translated and is being authenticated. If we would like to adopt two children, on this adoption trip, and not delay "Matt's" adoption process, time is up for us to decide upon another child.
Saying "yes" to one means saying "no" to many others. And we just had a huge "NO" given to Jacob/Henry.
We anticipate making that decision very soon, possibly tonight, so that if we do decide to adopt another child with Matt, we can get the paperwork there for submission without delay.

Questions still abound, and more than likely we will not know the answers, ever. It doesn't stop them from coming.

In other news.....
Joey has officially been diagnosed with precocious puberty (age 10) and will begin treatment for that soon.

Jacob (our Serbian son, the reason "Jacob/Henry" cannot be "Jacob") is working through medications to help his self abusive behavior.

Never a dull moment around here.

Mary

Healing

2011-05-14T20:12:00.000-04:00

The past day and a half have been rough. Lots of tears, lots of "what if's", but also lots of prayers. It's hard to grieve a child you have never met. Typically in grieving, we remember some good times, some lovely warm memory. But when you don't have that, it is so different. So hard.

With permission from the author, Meredith Cornish, I offer these thoughts:

While we were eating…
… they were hungry
While we were playing…
… they were restrained
While we were tucking our kids into bed…
… they were alone
While we turned up the heat…
… they laid in the icy cold
While we wrapped our children in blanket sleepers…
… they laid in their own excrement
While we sang songs and listened to music…
… they listened to the screams and cries of those around them
While we rocked our babies…
… they silently rocked themselves
While we hugged our kids…
… they scratched at their own faces and pulled their own hair for stimulation
While we cried over scraped knees…
… they moaned in their loneliness
While we brushed our daughters’ beautiful hair…
… they had their heads shaven to stave off the lice
While we fought off the flu with love and nourishment…
… they got the flu and went Home.
No longer suffering… but so many more still are.
In memory of those that have never felt the love of a family, but have passed away alone.

By: Meredith Cornish

And I dedicate this to our little angel, "Jacob/Henry".

Mary

Mother's Day

2011-05-13T20:36:00.000-04:00

No, today is not Mother's Day. That was Sunday. Moms: What were you doing on Mother's Day this year? Mother's Day 2011 will always be bittersweet to me. I had my kids here, and that was great. I got a wonderful book that each one "signed" with a special personal message. I missed my mom, but know she is a much better place and can rejoice that I had the privilege of caring for her for the last 20 years of her life.
I got to pick dinner, and my wonderful husband cooked it (which, I'm happy to say, is the norm around here...he does the vast majority of the cooking). I went to church, the kids were pretty good, and it was First Communion Mass. I love going to First Communion Mass.
And I eagerly anticipated hearing sometime the next week that our dossier was submitted, we had our confirmation and could travel with a few weeks to meet our newest boys. Yes, Mother's Day 2011 WAS a great day while I was experiencing it.

We got a call this morning. I was so excited when the call came in. NOW, I will find out when we can travel.

It wasn't THAT call. Instead, I was tearfully informed that just 2 days before Mother's Day 2011, a mother's worst nightmare occurred, and I did not even know, and I could not even do anything.

Our "Jacob" passed away. The words were numb in my ear, in my head.

Today we mourn our child, who never knew us. I think that is the hardest. If he had come home, been loved, fed, tickled, hugged, and then died, well, at least I would know he knew a family's love. But life cheated him.

I am not eloquent in writing. I tend to ramble. But Jim is great and has expressed it very well....read it here....www.apapastory.blogspot.com
And a dear, dear friend of mine, also much more eloquent than I, shared her feelings: http://martiniadoptionroad.blogspot.com/

I can't add anything to these.
Mary

DELIVERED!

2011-04-26T11:06:00.002-04:00

Our Dossier just was "delivered"!
YAY!
Gotta love Fed Ex Tracking!

Mary

Hello World I'm Matt

2011-04-25T20:36:00.000-04:00

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Paper Babies On The Way

2011-04-23T20:18:00.000-04:00

Well, we passed the psychiatrist and MMPI (all 585 questions for each of us) and the psychiatrist signed the paper! We got that and our regular physician's signature on Thursday, so that completed our dossier, or our Paper Babies!
After a stop at the bank for notarizations, we went downtown to certify. (In Ohio, an intermediate step between notarization and apostille is necessary. So, we sign the papers. The notary notarizes that we are indeed the people who signed these papers. The certification certifies that the notary's signature is indeed valid, that is really is THE NOTARY, and then the apostille certifies the certification for all papers going to foreign countries.)
Friday was our wedding anniversary, and I have the best, most thoughtful husband ever! He surprised me by arranging an overnight for us at Belterra Casino. We are NOT big gamblers, but the hotel and spa there are great, we had a gift card for a nice steak restaurant there, and we did go try our hand at the machines. Since we used to live in Vegas, we have learned how to play the machines and leave feeling good....we each put 20.00 in our machine of choice, and as soon as we are "up" we cash out, and are finished. Jim came out with an extra 7.75 and I netted 87 cents. Not big winnings, but we had fun, and left with more money than we went in with!
Our daughter Marie was the main fort holder here, assisted by Emily and Catie, so we had no kid worries at all. It was so wonderful to actually sleep in until 6:30am! Then, since I didn't HAVE to get up, I went back to sleep until 8!

Our night of rest complete, we returned home to ready for Easter and the celebrations here. Jim went to Columbus to apostille the dossier, and I stayed home cleaning the house. By 4 pm our Paper Babies were en route across the pond to their destination. Projected delivery...Tuesday.

And today we celebrate 7 years that Catie and James have officially been Stolz's. They were the first children we adopted, and so began our odyssey with international adoption. Catie is 21, and James is 13. James has officially been a Stolz longer than he had not been a Stolz. I look at photos of our time in Ukraine adopting them, and see them now and I just can't believe how blessed we are!

My prayer is for the Peace of the Risen Christ to be with all who are sharing our journey!

Mary

Hey, Jim, I know what we are going to do today...(well, tomorrow)

2011-04-19T19:52:00.000-04:00

Big plans......
We were successful in finding a psychiatrist to do an evaluation and sign our final piece of paper for our adoption. Jim and I have both been calling every lead we could find, and yesterday, one finally paid off. A very helpful young woman checked with the docs in the group where she works, and today called me back to say "yes, we can do this!".

So, tomorrow, Jim gets to go in early to do his MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory), a 485 yes/no/true/false questionnaire. Then he comes home to work, and I will go in around noon to to my MMPI. About 2pm (they said they will each take up to 2+ hours!) the psychiatrist will meet with me for 30-60 minutes, then he will meet with Jim for 30-60 minutes, then he will meet with both of us together. We are hoping for the shorter time on all of these estimates. At the end of this day long drill, we will be considerably monetarily poorer, but hopefully in possession of the final psychiatric clearance needed for our country.

Then off to notarize, certified (in Ohio, notarizations are certified first at the county level) and apostilled. Then we can mail this paper pregnancy across the pond and be that much closer to having our little boys home!

Mary

Our Golden Ticket

2011-04-16T19:29:00.000-04:00

We have our Golden Ticket, otherwise known as USCIS approval.
This means we SHOULD have our dossier in route to Eastern Europe. But we have one more document that is giving us trouble. In this particular EE country, one document required is a psychiatrist signed clearance that we are mentally fit to be parents. Sounds simple enough. But when you are not seeing a psychiatrist, finding one who is willing to do whatever kind of evaluation they need to do to sign this paper, is difficult, at best. I have had NO LUCK with even getting call backs from the psychiatrists that I have called. Jim has had a little more luck than that, but the only openings we have found are in late May to late June. We are searching for alternatives, but at this point, we are not finding anything.
Please pray that someone will agree to see us quickly and sign our final paper!

Mary

USCIS

2011-04-12T19:48:00.000-04:00

I phoned the friendly folks at USCIS yesterday to inquire about our progress. After a few questions, I was transfered to an oh-so-unhelpful voicemail with promises to return my phone call 'as soon as possible". So, undeterred, I tried again today.
And, they told me that our I 800a was APPROVED as of April 7th! YAHOOOOOOO!!!!! It did not come in the mail today, so I am very much expecting it tomorrow.

With this being our 4th international adoption, you think we would be more accustomed to the "hurry and and wait....then SPRINT to the next level" process inherent in the system. Not so.

I will update again when I have that golden ticket in my hot little hand, and then be updating much more frequently as we have more news to report.

After watching the Dateline special "The Boy From Babyhouse 10" on Sunday, and knowing that both of our sons are living in institutions, our determination to break them free and bring them home as soon as possible has intensified!

Waiting and Waiting......

2011-03-25T20:20:00.001-04:00

I know it has been quite a while for an update. Basically, there is not much to update on our adoption. Our homestudy and application have been delivered to USCIS, our check has been cashed, and our file is sitting on someone's desk, waiting to rise to the top of the pile so it can be approved. We received our fingerprint appointment, for April 1, and we have not gone down early to try to get printed early. I have called twice, and both times been told that our file has not yet been assigned to an officer, and estimated time to completion, assuming that no additional information is needed, is 90 days from receipt...our official receipt was the end of February. So, we are in a holding pattern...again.
I should say "Jacob" and "Matt" are in a holding pattern. It is easy to focus on our impatience, on our preferred time line. But the REAL tragedy here is that two little boys have been waiting for 5 and 6 YEARS now, to have a mama pick them up, smother them in kisses and love, hugs and tickles. They have been waiting 5 and 6 YEARS to be thrown in the air and expertly caught mid flight by their Daddy, held and cuddled, tickled by a scruffy 5 o'clock shadow. Waiting 5 and 6 years for mama and papa and brothers and sisters. Waiting 5 and 6 years for someone to notice that 15 lbs for a 5 year old is WAY too small and some medical intervention (and nutritional intervention) is desperately needed. Their entire lives have been a "holding pattern" and they don't even cognitively KNOW it.
But, if having our Serbian Jacob here has taught us anything, it is that despite not COGNITIVELY knowing something, his soul knew it, missed it, yearned for it, prayed for it, waited for it. God plants this knowledge of how things SHOULD be deep in our hearts, just as he plants the seeds of a conscience so even those who don't hear His Word know in their hearts the difference between right and wrong. That knowledge that each person is supposed to have a mama and a papa, someone who loves them unconditionally, who is there when they are needed. That knowledge is planted deep in our children's hearts. They do indeed miss us.
OUR BOYS are the focus of our waiting. They need us now. They needed us years ago. We are hurrying as fast as we can, but it is not fast enough for them. It was not fast enough for Jacob, it was not fast enough for Joey, it was not fast enough for Catie and James. Those hurts are there, and all we can do is bandage them up, love them fiercely, and help them get on with life. The rest is up to God.

Finally, Submission to USCIS time!

2011-02-16T11:04:00.000-05:00

I've been very quiet here, waiting patiently (well, ok, not really patiently, but waiting all the same) for our homestudy to be complete, correct, and delivered to us. A month and a half after the final clearances came in, we achieved that result, and yesterday our I-800A application, supporting documentation and, of course, our $$$$ was sent on to Texas to begin that process. And the new wait begins.........

Mary

Home Study is HERE!......

2011-01-25T19:47:00.000-05:00

.....but it is wrong.
And the things that are wrong are not minor things (like how old my sister is when she has very limited contact with us because of age and geographic distance) but fairly major things...like citing the number of children we have, how many live at home, and how many you have interviewed. and those numbers don't add up!
So, we are back to the waiting for the homestudy game.
I hope they can get it corrected, quickly, and we can submit to USCIS before the end of January.

In other news:
Matt is doing fine after his tongue surgery. He seems to be healing just fine. That is so weird that they can do all of these things to his tongue, and it not affect his speech.

Jaoob is about the same. Stomach pain episodes are still down about 75%, but his aggression continues. We are looking into other avenues to help heal the trauma he experienced and help him learn better ways to deal.

Catie turned 21 yesterday. She came home from Ukraine at age 14. What a beautiful young woman she has become. We are very proud of her, and so glad to call her our daughter.

Emily starts her nursing classes in a week or so. In another year and a half we will have 2 nurses in the family.

Marie is busy, busy, busy. Planning, studying, working. Ahhh, to have the energy of youth! Marie and I are both working on our degrees...she on her Bachelor's for teaching, me on my Bachelor's then Master's in Nursing. Both going through WGU, an online, fully accredited school. James is working on his homeschool stuff, Marie on her's, me on mine. At any one time, in our kitchen, James will be making us a super banana bread as he integrates math skills with home ec, I have homemade models of hemoglobin both with and without oxygen (oxygen represented by blueberries) and lysine (an amino acid, which I chose colored marshmallows to demonstrate the various component parts of) and Marie is videotaping her presentation of how a Montessori school differs from more traditional schools. Homeschooling has never been so much fun!

Everyone is healthy, and we are all waiting for silly winter to go away and the warmth of spring to appear. Full blown cabin fever should be about 2 weeks away.

Mary

More Waiting

2011-01-18T20:37:00.000-05:00

I have not posted because there is not much to post on the adoption front. Since this is our 4th adoption, one would think we would be used to this by now....waiting, and waiting, and more waiti.ng. I guess we are accustomed to waiting, but still don't like it much.
Our homestudy agency received clearance from the oversight agency more than a week ago, that the homstudy was fine the way it was, and to release it to us. Mail came and went today, still no homestudy. We need that to submit to USCIS. I have emailed the homestudy agency, so hopefully it is in the mail now.

Matt did well after his surgery. We knew it would be a difficult procedure to recover from, but he has been a trooper. He is back to school, eating and drinking, and talking with no ill effects of someone pulling his tongue forward and tying it off that way!

Thursday, Jacob goes for his airway scope. Hoping that shows that his airway has firmed up, and no more scopes (or repairs) are necessary.

I'm trying to use this time to get as much of my MSN completed.
And, I'm tired of cold weather!

Done complaining, back to Biochem!

Mary

Back at the Hospital with Matthew

2011-01-06T14:48:00.000-05:00

Today Matthew (20 years old, bio son, DS and autism) had surgery, and we are back in the hospital at least overnight, probably for another couple of days. Matt has severe sleep apnea, which is much more common in children with Down syndrome. We have been working on this for years.

He had C-Pap at home, and tolerated it well for a while, then got a rash from the mask, and ever since then has not tolerated it at all.

Almost 2 years ago he had a "midline posterior glossectomy'...basically they cut a fairly substantial chunk out of the middle, back part of his tongue. After that healed (had to be rehospitalized twice for dehydration, it took much longer for this to heal than they were expecting) his sleep study showed that before the surgery he had severe sleep apnea. After the surgery, although the number, duration and severity of the apnic episodes had been cut in half, he STILL has severe sleep apnea. We have been trying, without success, to get him to wear his Bi-Pap.

This surgery is the next step. It is genioglossal advancement and repose procedure. They bring his tongue forward and tie it forward.

He came through the surgery well, the doc saying that his tongue is HUGE. She said this tends to be the more difficult of the two surgeries, and probably will require 2-3 days to stay. He is somewhat uncomfortable right now as we are waiting for the nurse to come in with more pain meds.

Please say a prayer for Matt's speedy, complete recovery, and that his surgery will reduce his sleep apnea to a point that it is no longer dangerous to him.

Mary

Slowly Moving Along

2011-01-04T19:08:00.000-05:00

Tuesday of the first week of January and we have movement on our progress...I heard from our homestudy agency that they are waiting on the oversight letter from the placing agency, and then we will have our homestudy to submit to USCIS.

What this means is that we will have additional fees dues very soon. USCIS recently raised their fees for the I 8000A applications, and we have 5 adults living in the house requiring fingerprinting!

However, having more money due is a positive sign that we are moving forward with this adoption! So exciting.

Additionally exciting is checking our Reecesrainbow Family Sponsorship page to see that someone(s) has been donating to our journey, and is helping us bring these boys home. Our major fundraiser efforts will be kicking in soon, as soon as I get a handle on a few more things here.

On the homefront...Matt (20, with DS and Autism) has surgery on Thursday to hopefully help his severe sleep apnea. This is the 2nd tongue surgery he has endured over the past 3 years. We are not rushing into these, but his apnea is severe, and he does not tolerate the high pressures needed on his BiPap. So, he has surgery scheduled. He will stay in the hospital overnight Thursday night, possibly missing his favorite basketball game of the year...the Skyline Chili Crosstown Shootout...two rival Cincinnati universities, University of Cincinnati, and Xavier University. I hope they carry ESPN 2 at the hospital!

Jacob has continued to feel better stomach-wise. I say about 80% improvement in his GI symptoms, which is fantastic. We still are dealing with a lot of aggression. Next week, he is scheduled for a scope of his airway. He has moderate to severe tracheomalcia, or softening of his trachea. We are hoping that with his growth and improved nutrition, this is reversing. We shall see next week.

Mary

Winding down from Christmas, ramping up on adoption

2010-12-30T20:29:00.000-05:00

We got word yesterday that our homestudy copies should be to us VERY soon...they are complete, and just awaiting signatures and notarization. I am hoping that by the beginning of next week, we can file with USCIS.

I filled out the I800A last night and this morning. Boy, it is much more in depth than the I600A!

Let's get these boys home by the late summer/early fall!

Mary

The Clearances are IN

2010-12-23T19:08:00.000-05:00

YIPEE
Our Ohio state child abuse clearances are here, with all of our names, DOB, and SS#'s correct on them! (Last time, my name was completely wrong, and I had to get them to run it again with the right name)
I emailed our homestudy agency. I hope they did get the other clearances from Nevada and Idaho. There was some mix up there, and the agency felt certain they would have them well before Ohio's come in, so I hope that is the case. If so, we COULD get this out to USCIS next week, as I had originally hoped.

YIPEE

Mary

Adoption Update...finally

2010-12-22T18:26:00.000-05:00

Jacob has been home for a few days now, has improved greatly in his complaints of stomach pain, and has picked up a cold/cough. Today he felt puny from that, but overall, the change in him is nothing short of miraculous. I hope it holds.

On to the adoption news: We are still in the homestudy update phase. We have had our update interview, have sent off for all of the various clearances necessary and are waiting for those to come back. They are taking a while. We know the state of Ohio takes MONTHS to return the child abuse clearances. I have called and emailed, and I did receive a nice email back from the person who runs the checks, that she will do them this week, and mail them out on Monday. Then the disclaimer...she will let me know if these plans change. So, hopefully, next week, we will have the Ohio clearances.
Nevada and Idaho turn theirs around in 24 hours or less. I wonder why it takes Ohio 2-4 MONTHS to do the same thing??? I know there are more people in Ohio than in Nevada and in Idaho, but come on! The agency has confirmed that they have Nevada's, and a glitch in communication was solved, I faxed our signed and notarized consent for Idaho to run and release these to our agency. So they should be in by sometime next week as well.
Dare I hope that by the end of next week we could have the homestudy in hand and be ready to submit to USCIS by the first week in Jan?

From our home to yours, we wish everyone following along a truly blessed, peaceful, and holy Christmas, celebrating the birth of Our Savior. Merry Christmas!

Home Update

2010-12-20T22:01:00.000-05:00

We've been home a few days now, and I'm so happy to report that Jacob seems to be feeling better. In fact, I'd say at least 80% of the complaints have completely disappeared, and of the remaining 20%, most are easily redirect-able, and only one time did he really cry and insist he was in pain. And that was right after he refluxed, so I understand that one!

We are really beginning to address the aggressive behavior, and hope to have that well under control after a couple of weeks of being home with us 100% of the time, and we have everyone reacting the same way to his aggression. I will say that the aggression has dramatically dropped off, too, as I'm sure a big part of that was reacting to pain. We always knew that his aggression skyrocketed when he was in pain.

So, hopefully this new medication will be the one that helps, and we can move on from this episode!

Adoption news: No word on Ohio child abuse clearances, but I called, left a message, and emailed two people for update requests. Let's see if any of those actually produce an answer. I'm not holding my breath. We have pending clearances from other states. I spoke to one person today and she said they faxed the clearances to our homestudy agency. They are refaxing to them. For the other state, I'm waiting on a return phone call. Both of these states (Idaho and Nevada) were VERY speedy last year with the clearances. Ohio is the only slowpoke of those we need. I still hope to maybe be ready to submit to USCIS by the end of the month. Let's hope.

Mary

Jacob Home

2010-12-17T20:41:00.000-05:00

We are home. It feels soooooo good.
The scope showed no esophagitis, and mild, diffuse gastritis, improved from last time.
That's great. However, why is he still in so much pain?
That's the question.
We are hoping the additional medication will help, and we will go back to GI in 2=3 weeks. Please pray that this helps and he gets some relief.

Still no word on our child abuse clearances so we can have our homestudy complete.

Mary

A Plan

2010-12-16T10:33:00.000-05:00

We have a plan of sorts....
Tomorrow, they will scope Jacob's esophagus, stomach and duodenum. He has had 3 of these in the past 6 months, but every one has shown gastritis and esophagitis, and he has been in treatment for it for months, so they will look again. Depending on what that shows, we will either stay or go home tomorrow.

They are starting the Bethanecol today, which should help motility in his GI system.

We will see if the protonix helps more with reflux.

And hopefully, tomorrow, we will have more answers.

Mary

Wednesday Evening...still at the hospital

2010-12-15T21:17:00.000-05:00

Well, we are still here.
I spoke with the Resident, and expressed by "concern" that their thought that Jacob was "experiencing the sensations differently than we do", and had a "hypersensitive" GI tract, was a crock, and we had not really looked for the problem. They have scoped him 3 times in 6 months, each time showing esophagitis and gastritis, and visually diagnosed gastroparesis. I have told them he refluxes, so he has a GERD diagnosis, treated with 4 different acid reflux meds, none of which have worked. Last night, he punched himself over and over, and over in his sleep. This is NOT a "behavior". I know he has some behavior challenges. I have scars all up and down my arms to show his behavior challenges. But, this child is IN PAIN, and we have not done anything to alleviate it. Any one of us with esophagitis and gastritis for 6+ months would be complaining and we don't have hypersensitivity. I told her we either figured something out, or we wanted to be referred for a 2nd opinion somewhere else.

Then, they did their rounds, and I repeated my "concerns" to the entire resident group and the attending. I told them we could at least address the GERD. And, what can be done for the gastroparesis? Turns out there are other things that can be done! Imagine that!

So, they changed his Nexium to Protonix, and added something like Reglan that is not Reglan, to increase gastric motility. They said they would discuss his case in the team meeting at noon, and possibly rescope him. They would let me know.

The nurse this evening said they are planning on an MRI tomorrow. I don't know of what, what they are looking for, but they will discuss this with me on rounds.

At least they are beginning to look.
I hope we get to the bottom of this and we get to go home.
And, we are expecting 5 inches of snow tonight.

Unfortunately, I have no news on the adoption front! I will be posting that AS SOON AS possible!

Mary

Tuesday evening from Children's Hospital

2010-12-14T21:14:00.000-05:00

we are still here...
The best they have come up with...and all they are doing is literally watching as he eats and recording his pain episodes...functional gastrointestinal disorders. Basically, he hurts and has to learn to live with it.

Guess who is not happy with this?
They have restarted his Carafate, and Periactin, which is supposed to help with "overreactivity". ????

They have had a behaviorist in to watch me feed him lunch twice. Yesterday, he cried through the entire meal, today, same food, he was fine. (they say that also points to what they are saying) Then 45 minutes later, he started fussing, and had a bad afternoon, and a horrible evening. Had to get tylenol twice. He is asleep now, but has not stopped punching himself for the past hour and a half, all in his sleep. (They will say it is another "behavior"....self stimulating) But he is fussing while sleeping too.

I don't know when we are coming home. I do know tomorrow I am going to find a time to let them know that I expect further testing. They proposed, through the behaviorist, that we begin certain behavior modification techniques during meals, record for the next 4 weeks (until his scheduled scope on Jan 12) his pain/wretching responses, then compare this with the information they get when they scope him again. They keep saying he has had "extensive workups"...they have scoped him 3 times, each time with biopsies, found HPlylori the first time, "plain" gastritis and esophagitis the 2nd time, and candida esophagitis and gastritis the third time. They are going to have him on Carafate for a while, again, not on again off again, and expect everything to be ok in January. Ok, then let's look at surrounding structures...pancreas, liver, etc... Let's do some motility studies, we know he has gastroparesis.

I just want my kid to stop being in pain.

Matt Video

2010-12-14T18:39:00.000-05:00

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Jacob's Hospital Trials

2010-12-14T11:59:00.000-05:00

As promised, an update on our 'at home' Jacob's medical/hospital stuff...sent from Cincinnati Children's hospital. Ever since we have had Jacob, a year now, he has had stomach problems. He eats a pureed/soft diet probably because he was never taught to chew solid foods, but eating seems to hurt him. He complains DAILY, multiple times a day, sometimes surrounding mealtimes, sometimes not, of pain, and has gagging episodes as well. He does not actually throw up, but gags/wretches.

We know he has reflux (because I hear and see it, not because they have done any kind of test to diagnose it) and has been on Prevacid, Prilosec, Zantac, and now is on Nexium. All work (or don't, I should say) about the same. He has been scoped 3 times in the past 6 months. First time, showed H-Pylori, which has been treated and last scope was not present. Also showed some esophagitis...an inflamation in his esophagus...probably from refluxing. Next time, it showed just plain 'gastritis", and some esophagitis, nothing else. They put him on Carafate, which reacts with stomach acid to form a barrier in his stomach and esophagus. He was not getting better, and I would not agree to the "let's just wait a few more months and see" so they decided to do another study, that required placing a probe during another scope. WHen they did that one, they said he has candida esophagitis, and gastroparesis...his stomach does not empty as quickly as it should. They also said he still has gastritis. Again, Carafate, and meds for the candida (yeast), and wait. I have been calling them back to let them know that he is not healing...he STILL complains, cries, refluxes, and wretches, and if they are expecting after 6+ weeks of treatment that he should be showing signs of improvement, he is not!

This lead them to decide to bring him in the hospital to observe for a couple of days and here we are. They are sending in behavioral med people, to watch me feed him, and really think that this is a "behavior"" (because, you know, it is so common for people to reflux, spit up, scream in pain so bad that they bite holes in their arms...all for 'behavior'...attention getting??? I'm paying 100% attention to him!). Today's theory is that his esophagus and stomach is 'overly sensitive" and the behaviorist will help with decreasing the behavior.

I will try to post tonight about how today goes.
Soon
Tonight.

Mary

A bit of background info

2010-12-11T19:57:00.000-05:00

Well, it looks like I did the first post correctly, so with my new found sense of accomplishment, I will give a bit of background info.

Jim and I have 5 bio kids, the youngest of whom is Matt, age 20, with Down syndrome and autism. When Matt was about 13 years old, we decided we wanted to adopt, and began this crazy journey. In 2004, we adopted Catie and James, a bio sib pair, then ages 14 and almost 7, from Ukraine. Catie is now almost 21 and James is 13. Next, we adopted Joey, then age almost 7, from Ukraine. Joey has Down syndrome. Then, last year, we adopted Jacob, age 10, from Serbia, who also has Down syndrome. So, at home right now, we have Marie ("She is just "old") Emily, 21, Catie 20, Matt, 20 (DS) James, 13, Jacob 11,(DS) and Joey, 10 (DS).

And now we are adding 2 more boys, "little boys" to the mix. They are listed on ReecesRainbow as "Jacob" and "Matt", but obviously, we will be changing those names, since we already have a Jacob and a Matt. "Matt" is right now 6 years old, and probably will be close to 7, if not already 7 by the time we bring him home. "Jacob" is a year younger at 5, and will about 6 when he comes home. They are in different institutions in the same country.

As to where we are in the process: We have had our homestudy update interview, and it is written, waiting for child abuse clearances to come in from 3 states. Then we can send off to USCIS. This is the first time we have ever adopted from a Hague country, so that process is still very new to us. We are hoping to travel for the first time in the spring sometime, with the 2nd trip, hopefully before their birthdays in early September.

Tomorrow, our at home Jacob health updates:

Mary

Testing, one, two, three.....

2010-12-10T21:59:00.000-05:00

Thanks first of all, to my new friend Amy for helping (read....completely doing with only criticism from me) set up this blog, and for the wonderful support she has given to our adoption. You will not be forgotten!

I hope I am doing this right. I'm brand new to blogging like this. I tend to be technophobic. I caught myself giving the TV remote to our 13 year old because I could not figure out how to make the TV work....very much like my mother did to me about 5 years ago. But, I told myself that if everyone else could do it, so could I, and with Amy's help, here I am.

Jim and I have another adoption blog that we have kept during our previous adoptions, found at www.martythompson.com. Look for "stolz adoption" then click on blogs or something like that. I wanted to do a blogger blog though, so here we are for this adoption.

Tomorrow I will post an update about our adoption. But, I guess we are officially off and running.

Mary